"I Want a Women"
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Posted:Apr 17, 2012 7:40 pm
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2013 12:01 pm
7787 Views
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Hey Everybody!
This is a short post pleading for some semblance of literacy here on this site. I admit it, I used to teach English composition to college freshmen, and I developed plenty of pet peeves; chief among them were the use of an apostrophe to indicate a plural and mixing up the words "its" and "it's."
Now, I don't suppose I should be complaining too much about the errors on profiles lest I come off as a stern, pedantic, professorial-type looking over the top of her glasses at you, big red pen in hand and ready to strike. Unless that turns you on, of course.
But for some reason, it seems like every other profile I read says, "I/We want a women," and it is starting to drive me a bit batty. If you want one female person to join you in your sexual escapades, you want a WOMAN. If you want more than one female person to join you (and let's face it, who doesn't?), you want WOMEN. There's no "a" in "women," you know.
Personally, I could go either way.
{=}
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Try Not to Cringe
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Posted:Mar 5, 2012 6:45 pm
Last Updated:Mar 15, 2013 9:23 pm
7646 Views
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Hey Everybody!
A while ago, I posted a poll about nipple piercing, and from the results, I believe that a lot of people think it looks hot but in practice may not be quite so exciting. I'm still on the fence about it, in part because of my experience with my other piercing.
I have a VCH, which is a Vertical Clitoral Hood piercing. Most often when people talk about clit piercings, they mean a VCH, although some women do choose to have their actual clit pierced, for some reason. Seems counter-productive to me, but what do I know. There's also a horizontal version that some people get, but the VCH is the most popular.
My VCH piercing was a rite of passage for me, although it shouldn't have been the type of rite it ended up being. One reason I chose the VCH, aside from the fact that my boyfriend at the time suggested it, was because it seemed like most of the women who discussed it online said that it wasn't painful. It makes sense; the tissue is quite thin and it would normally take little effort to pierce it. In fact, after the piercing itself, It felt fine by the end of the day.
But for about ten minutes, there, the pain was absolutely excruciating.
What happened? After laying on the piercing professional's table as if for a GYN exam, with my legs up and my bits hanging off the edge and a paper drape over my thighs -- for modesty? -- I was jumpy. I jumped a bit when she wiped the area in question -- I assume with alcohol or betadine or supercooled ice water or such; I jumped a bit when she literally checked under the hood, to see if there was enough room for the jewelry under there, using a long cotton swab to gauge the levels I guess; and then... Well, see, I'd never had a piercing before, other than the typical shopping mall jewelry store ear piercing that girls of my era usually got at about age 12 or so, whenever their parents would collapse under the browbeating and arm-twisting their daughters would give them. But with the VCH, there's no piercing gun involved, no topical anesthetic -- just needle vs. flesh, with the flesh usually yielding.
The last jump was what did it. You might think I jumped at the moment of the skin breaking, but no, such was not the case. I jumped when the piercer's hands grasped me firmly just a split second before inserting the needle. So she only got partially through the tissue. I don't know exactly what happened, probably because the pain was, oh, just a leeetle distracting. The pain was, in fact, so absurdly painful that I actually had to laugh. I'd never experienced anything like it. You know how nurses ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10 to see how you're recovering after an injury or surgery? Like Nigel Tufnel's amp, my pain went to 11.
Because of the paper apron she put on me beforehand, my view of the proceedings was blinkered. In this case, it's probably a good thing, because otherwise, from what my ex and the piercer told me afterward, I'd probably have freaked out so much that she wouldn't have been able to finish the piercing. They told me later that I bled profusely. Apparently, it looked like they'd have to call in CSI: Columbus.
After what seemed like enough time to finish turning my already lengthy affprofile into a three-volume autobiography, my long national nightmare was over, and I was tagged like a rare, migrating species.
In the intervening years, both my piercing and my life have changed a lot. The boyfriend became an ex, a boyfriend again, and an ex again. That second time, I thought, the VCH has to go. It didn't enhance my sexual experiences anyway -- because of the jump, I fear it wasn't placed right, through no fault of the piercer -- and it was just a constant reminder of a life not led. Instead of washing that man right outta my hair, I took that jewelry right outta my hood.
{=}
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Blonde! Bi! Babe!
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Posted:Feb 6, 2012 8:14 pm
Last Updated:Feb 27, 2012 4:01 pm
8443 Views
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Hey Everybody!
So this was not what I had intended my hair color to be, but I just kept coloring and bleaching and coloring and bleaching in an attempt to make it somewhat human-like, rather than like nothing seen in nature or on a doll's head or on any self-respecting punk's head. It just kept getting blonder and blonder. So here, now, I reveal...
Samcheckerette2: Blond and Blonderer!
I've been compulsively watching repeats of America's Next Top Model (what? oh, like you don't watch trash TV ever...). This photo was my attempt to apply what I have "learned" from watching scores of hours of gawky, bitchy girls blossoming into beauty before the cameras. Seriously, it's kind of weird, or magic, or something -- the girls being just themselves hanging out, no makeup, etc., are on the whole visually unremarkable except perhaps for their height and low body fat percentages.
But get them in front of the cameras and they are transformed, transported, even transfigured from time to time, thanks to Miss Jay's ministrations, two pounds of face paint, and the most elaborate and silly art direction this side of a some kind of David Lynch rip off.
Example: the girls are modeling "eco-fashion" in a dump, over which hover enough sea gulls to make Alfred Hitchcock startle. Miss Jay gets bombed a couple of times. One girl, perched atop a ladder, wearing a ridiculous gown with a train several dozens of feet long, comments, "This isn't sanitary." Girl, Miss Jay ain't complainin', and he's the one with bird shit all over him!
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Moniker Mayhem
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Posted:Aug 20, 2011 5:33 pm
Last Updated:Sep 4, 2011 10:46 pm
9138 Views
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C'mon now, that title alone is worth the price of admission! And since it costs nothing to read my blog, I would remind you of two things: 1) You get what you pay for; and 2) Caveat emptor. Although perhaps "caveat lector" would be properer. Hah! Latin 101 wordplay! Is there anything less funnier? (Don't answer that.)
So, how did you choose your name on [This Place]? (Aside: I wonder if anyone ever uses their real name). You probably also have a name on whatever chittychat you prefer, or even multiple names on multiple chittychat . We're wearing masks on top of masks on top of masks on top of our faces. We're ontologically real there, somewhere, if we can successfully peel away the layers. Sometimes I feel more like an archaeologist than an erotonaut, and my job is excavating down to the layer with sherds of pottery and scattered cooked grain and shattered stone idols that indicate that at least there was human habitation here, perhaps not so long ago...
But my point is... wait, what was my point again? Oh, yeah, my memory is terrible. Really. I'm not just saying that. But even so, I have to think I am not the only one who gets confused by this profusion of names, and by the odd sameness of these names. If you're from Ohio, as I am, there's a really good chance there's at least an OH in your name (an even better one if you are round on the ends and high in the middle). Some people go with a slightly more evocative derivative of "buckeye," and Columbus residents in particular are likely to have a name implying an unending devotion to the Bucks. (Sports fandom is getting into patriotism territory, but that's a subject for another day).
Less indicative of location are the names that instead are indicative of anatomy, especially if we're talking about the male member. Boasts of how well they are hung, how long they are, how thick they are, and how much they want them ministered to are legion around here.
And couples? They're not exempt, but they are explanatory. In a handy thumbnail of what they're after, there's usually some variation on "couple," a location, and then many are kind enough to include the numbers 2 and 4 implying that the 2 of them have a desire 4 a special ladyfriend,or the number 3 indicating they want a threesome. You almost don't have to read their profile with such a neat capsule description.
On top of all the names that are so similar in their similitude, people insist on putting seemingly random numbers in there somewhere, and then they have the temerity to use some other completely different random name on the 'hoo... Then when they get a little more familiar, they give their real names which are again something else entirely. I simply can't be the only one who gets lost...
People, people, people... have a heart, willya? Stop the madness! Besides, you want to differentiate yourself from all of those other hungnoh1963s or clevecoupl4girl1125s, don't you? Stand far apart from the madding crowd? I realize it's too late for most of us to change our names, but perhaps the next generation and the ones afterward will read this and heed my words, and the world will be a better, calmer, brighter place 4 us 2 live in!
[Note: Edited to change a hypothetical name that was too close to someone's real name]
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To link to this blog (samcheckerette2) use [blog samcheckerette2] in your messages.
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