Looking for good, passionate sex with attractive, friendly, open-minded people to liven up those dim winter evenings? Well you might as well stop reading now. For heaven's sake, we get that at home, don't you? Turn off Dancing with the Stars for a change, spread a plastic sheet on the carpet, cover yourselves in veg oil and scoot and slither around 'till you're sated. That's our advice and it's been quality tested so trust us. After that you won't have the energy or the inclination for swinging. Don't forget to record Dancing with the Stars though. What? Still reading? So you're looking for something a bit less, well, conventional then? You might just have stumbled across it. We're a couple who love to explore the kinkier sides of sex but there's a problem and it’s his fault! Her fault! His fault! Her fault! His bloody fault! Well, basically, we both like to dominate in the bedroom and neither of us will do as they're told! Luckily, we've stumbled on the perfect solution! We invite sexually adventurous (but otherwise quite respectable!) women into our special room-of-sin and take turns to pleasure them unmercifully. Why women you ask. Well she's bi-sexual (yes really, not bi-curious or bi-the-way, she truly bats for both teams) and he isn't (OK, since you ask, yes, he's tried it and it was kind of interesting but it's just that, well, women are sexier aren't they!?). So if this is beginning to intrigue you, read on. But be careful what you wish for. You might not end up feeling quite so respectable! Hey! Who's that reading this over your shoulder? Oh, it's your bloke is it? I suppose he'd be quite keen on a bit of swapping action with a swingin' couple wouldn't he? Oh good grief! What's his reading age we ask you? Read our lips. It ain't gonna happen Matey! Oh we miiiiiight let you tag along. But you'll have to do as you're told too and that wonder-wick of yours will remain undipped. Except perhaps in that sweet inkpot with which it is most familiar. But only if we say so. We'll tie you to a chair and gag you if we have to! So NO SHAGGING. That's not what we're offering here (tell him to read the first paragraph and then send him out for the plastic sheet and the veg oil). Has he gone? And you're still reading? Well don't say we didn't warn you. So you want to know what we ARE offering? Well, we're offering warm body oil, , buzzy toys, soft hemp ropes, naughty little whips, blindfolds, atmospheric music, bubbles, cake. Any of the above. All of the above! More than the above!!! Basically we're offering pleasure. Your pleasure. Well, OK, you're right, our motives are not TOTALLY unselfish. We absolutely love doing this stuff...