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UPDATE: GOT A MAN.. DONT NEED ONE...... I am just me... you take it as it is or not.. I dont profess to be the perfect woman but do have some good qualities...I am told I have nice eyes and a great sense of humor... mostly outgoin but shy in some situations..if you're looking for barbie doll body or model material then thats not me... have a few pounds I could stand to loose but in no way am obese or large.I am always cool with meeting new people and making new friends.
However not every one is so lucky to hang out with me lol. I have some stipulations you must meet. If you meet all of them and I have not managed to offend you then congratulations! You are not a crayon eater plus you have no life since you were able to finish my novel. ROFL.(And apparently I don’t have one either since I am home typing it up.)
You can’t get offended easily. If you do, don’t waste your time and most definitely don’t waste mine. I seriously don’t think my day is complete unless I managed to piss someone off or offend them. Most of the time I don’t even mean it. . And of course there are times I do it on purpose just because it is funny and they deserve it. Gotta love me. It is amazing how people can entertain you and not mean it.
I am 42. Please be around my age. Let’s say no one over 49.(I reserve the right to up the age on a case by case basis.. ME not you ) It amazes me. I say no one my dad’s age but I still get people that are too old wanting to hang out. If I wanted to hang out with someone my parent’s age, I would call up my dad because he would be in his 60's and at times cooler than you.
I am not looking to hook up or be friends with benefits. Hopefully you will comprehend but I won’t hold my breath.

I want to see a picture of you, mines posted here.It is not that hard and actually is a very simple process. Amazingly. I am not asking for a pic to see if you are hot. I don’t really care how hot you are or how ugly you are. I just care that you know how to take care of yourself. If you can’t take care of yourself then I don’t care to know you. I know this is going to sound harsh but I am tired of whiners who bitch about peoples weight and looks. I like people who can keep up with good hygiene on a daily basis regardless of how much they weigh or what they look like. Friends come in all sizes and shapes. Do NOT disrespect my friends or any female in my presence. My momma didnt raise no heathen and I expect yours didnt either.
Don’t push your beliefs and values on me. If I don’t already have them, there is a reason for that. I do not go to church and I don’t plan on starting. It isn’t because I don’t believe in anything; I was just taught that you don’t have to go to church to believe in something.
If your vocabulary consists of using “nigga”, "bitch" or "ho" every other word, then we won’t get along. Speak English. Unless you plan on helping me learn another language I really don’t care to hear it. I can’t stand Ebonics. It is fine if you are joking around but if you seriously talk like that all the time then you are a dumbass and I want nothing to do with you.
If you are a negative person in any form, I have no room for you in my life. I like to surround myself with positive people. When I am around the right people I am the life of the party and I am fucking hilarious. No drama. Granted everyone has some sort of drama in his or her life and if you say you don’t then you are full of shit. I am not in high school and I would not like to relive it. I get enough stress from work and dealing with the inexplicably retarded all day and I don’t want to deal with your shit.

I refuse and will not deal with jealous girlfriends or ex’s. I am not trying to date you or screw you so therefore I am not pleased with getting restricted phone calls or emails from random girls letting me know that you are their man. Its truly pathetic.I jus got rid of an asshole ... dont need another one. I do not do drugs and expect the same. I don’t care if you just smoke weed, still not acceptable. And no I don’t want to hear about how great you think drugs are or why they should be legalized. Same goes for drunks. (P.S. you are still a moron.) I can’t stand people who can’t wear their size,insist they are hotter than anyone else yet are here to hook up,rude people who have no couth, douche bags, stupid people, etc… If you can’t handle the rude, but yet funny comments I say about them, then you are lame.

I think I covered a lot of my expectations. So let me tell you a little about me.

I speak my mind and I'm blunt. I am rude at times but not without provocation. I have an attitude and can be opinionated. On a more positive note, I am an all around happy go lucky person and I would like to keep it that way. I am very sarcastic and sometimes quite amusing. I talk a lot and chances are you will have to smack me around and tell me to shut up. If I don’t talk that is when you have to worry. I know you don’t believe it but I am one of the nicest people you will meet if I like you. However you screw me over or double cross me, it is on. When I get done, what I just did to you will be fucking comical but chances are you will want me dead. Also there usually is no middle ground with me. I either like you or I don’t. If you annoy me and you are stupid, I don’t like you. I am sure I can go on and on but if you have met all my expectations so far and actually managed to get this far and not get offended then we will probably get a long just great. Bonus points if you have the sense of humor to find this funny. And if you cheated, then I don’t know. You will either like me or not.

Hopefully I have eliminated 98.9% of the dildos out there but I doubt that. One could only hope but then again I am not that lucky. Hit me up if you can comprehend what was said here.


My Ideal Person: UPDATE:


I'm finally homeeeeeee and hangin with people who arent hung up on what the other looks like so much. If we were all perfect, this place would be boring.
I love all types, from my rocker long haired boys (yay) to my short haired military or law enforcement boys... Im negotiable, why cant you be?
What I am looking for... Dont really know.... Im just here to talk to friends and get back in touch with normalcy.
What Im NOT looking for.. Shallow,conceited , married, bisexual,moochers, and people with no sense of humor...I deleted someone in my life because he was rude, stingy, overbearing, drunk, and disrespectful so Im not really looking to replace his sorry ass with the same.... If I approach you then thats fine but Im not in the mood for BS...Jus remember .. not looking for anything at this time ...especially a hookup... I know the search criteria says erotic email or chat but its the only thing I could put without anything else.... not interested in explicit story emails either.. good way to get deleted... Have some couth and manners contacting me for goodness sake or once again .. DELETED..
Good luck ...

What location do you fantasize about for a sexual encounter?:
A swimming pool or hot tub

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Receiving Oral Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Candle Wax, Spanking, Blindfolds

What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?:
Sexual experience, Physical attraction, Ability to be discreet, Sexual appetite

Have you ever had cybersex?:
No way. I only want skin on skin.

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