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Dinner talk 18/12/2014
A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father,
“Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father,
surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through
three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons,
round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still
nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...
0 Comentarios, 58 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.43 Puntuación
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Error 17/12/2014
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for
their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis, "
and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the
screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
2 Comentarios, 24 Vistas,
4 Votos
,0.53 Puntuación
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weather or?? 15/12/2014
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
0 Comentarios, 23 Vistas,
2 Votos
,2.42 Puntuación
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from the mouth of boys 15/12/2014
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his
mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her
and quickly dismounts, worried about what her has
seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The sees
his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big
tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten
it." ...
0 Comentarios, 100 Vistas,
2 Votos
,2.42 Puntuación
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Say it aim't so 15/12/2014
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for
their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis, "
and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the
screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
0 Comentarios, 29 Vistas,
1 Votos
,3.70 Puntuación
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Overtime 15/12/2014
A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will
make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by
the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought
for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for
$2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even
have enough time to undressed himself." So she ...
0 Comentarios, 85 Vistas,
3 Votos
,4.90 Puntuación
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Bowlegged? 14/12/2014
Why do cowgirls walk bowlegged? Couse cowboys do not know
that they should take off there hats when they eat.
0 Comentarios, 23 Vistas,
1 Votos
,2.40 Puntuación
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How to stop Jehovah Witnesses from nocking at your door 14/12/2014
I used to have Jehovah Witnesses nock on my door every Sunday
until one Sunday I was out haunting rabbits. After I was
dune haunting I went home and started to clean them when
all of a sudden I herd a nock at the door. I peeked through
the window and saw them at my door again. So I grabbed 2 of
the rabbits by there back legs and held them behind my back
as I answered the door. They asked me if I ...
0 Comentarios, 130 Vistas,
3 Votos
,2.94 Puntuación
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Tuff but silent 14/12/2014
The cowboys were sitting around a campfire bragging about
how tuff they where. The 1st one was talking about how he
took on a pack of wolves by him self. The 2ed one talked about
how he was attacked be a rattlesnake and that he pick it up
and bit it's head off. The 3ed one just sat quietly stirring
the campfire with his dick.
0 Comentarios, 73 Vistas,
2 Votos
,4.50 Puntuación
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Carefull what you wish for. 14/12/2014
A cowboy was out for a ride and his was spooked by a snake.
The cowboy was just about to shot the snake till the snake
said plz don't shot me, I am a magical snake and I can
grant you 3 wishes. So the cowboy though to his self, it must
be true because it can speak. So the cowboy wished for a big
mansion, $100, 000, 000, and to be hung like his .
When him got back to his ranch he found a big ...
0 Comentarios, 118 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.80 Puntuación
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Mole 11/12/2014
A bloke goes into the doctors, Doctor says " what seems to be the problem? "
Man says " I need a mole removing off my dick.............it's
the last time I have sex with one of them."
4 Comentarios, 75 Vistas,
6 Votos
,0.52 Puntuación
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A golfing mechanic 9/12/2014
An auto mechanic went out on Saturday morning to play golf.
He told his wife he would be home about two o’clock.
He finally arrived home at seven. His wife asked where he’d
been and he said, “It’s like this. I was on my way home
and saw a customer of mine stuck on the side of the road. I
stopped to help her. I got her car started but got very dirty
in the process. She ...
4 Comentarios, 264 Vistas,
11 Votos
,4.10 Puntuación
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It's Christmas Time 6/12/2014
Some jokes to make your spirits bright!
What do they call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners
the most? "Rude"olph
What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding
down a chimney? Santa Claus-trophbia
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of ...
1 Comentarios, 74 Vistas,
3 Votos
,1.96 Puntuación
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jokes 30/11/2014
We played with a couple that were nudists and they were very
quick to get naked and seemed very comfortable being naked
but them sure were not comfortable having sex. When we asked
if there was anything wrong they said no. They also said
that being nudist had nothing to do with sex it was more an
expression of being free. How can being naked not have anything
to do with sex?
2 Comentarios, 108 Vistas,
9 Votos
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Kissing 30/11/2014
Why do so many couples have rules against kissing? We think
it's the best part of having sex with another partner.
5 Comentarios, 61 Vistas,
8 Votos
,0.23 Puntuación
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Truck driver and the Blonde 25/11/2014
As a trucker stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She
jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the
door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi,
my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches
up again. She jumps out of her car, runs ...
3 Comentarios, 294 Vistas,
18 Votos
,5.03 Puntuación
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Pics 23/11/2014
Would you let someone take pics of you having sex with their
spouse when you swing?
6 Comentarios, 101 Vistas,
6 Votos
,0.23 Puntuación
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Indian Chief 23/11/2014
Chief went into a drugstore and said to the pharmacist ...Chief need-um rubber to make-um love to squaws. The pharmacist chuckled picked out an Acme thin condom,
handed it to the Indian and said here ya go chief this should
do the trick. Its nice and thin to give pleasure to your squaws.
The next day here come the Indian with a used rubber in hand.
He tossed it on the counter and said .. ...
1 Comentarios, 191 Vistas,
8 Votos
,2.09 Puntuación
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Table Dancing 21/11/2014
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on
a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed
by now."
0 Comentarios, 118 Vistas,
3 Votos
,4.90 Puntuación
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Pool Peeing 21/11/2014
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The
lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
0 Comentarios, 108 Vistas,
5 Votos
,3.14 Puntuación
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Guessing Age 21/11/2014
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what
day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose
patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
0 Comentarios, 159 Vistas,
4 Votos
,4.80 Puntuación
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Shave and Haircut 21/11/2014
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If
you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got yourhair cut, you'd
look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends
overthere instead of you."
0 Comentarios, 106 Vistas,
8 Votos
,2.32 Puntuación
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Beer belly 21/11/2014
This asshole looked at my beer belly last night andsarcastically
said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and
find out."
0 Comentarios, 48 Vistas,
3 Votos
,3.43 Puntuación
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A cowboy 21/11/2014
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."
0 Comentarios, 46 Vistas,
4 Votos
,3.63 Puntuación
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Beaver 19/11/2014
One day a 7 year old boy was playing in his grandmother's
yard when suddenly he felt the urge to pee. So he ran into
the house and burst into the bathroom where is grandmother
had just walked out of the shower. He stood there for a few
seconds and asked grandma what's that between your
legs? She simply replied it's a beaver. So he went back
outside to play. Later that evening once he was home he ...
2 Comentarios, 229 Vistas,
10 Votos
,3.19 Puntuación
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joke 18/11/2014
A woman and her husband wake up one Saturday morning and
she turns and says to him, " are you going to mow the lawn
today honey?"
To which he replies " who do I look like, Mike’s Mowing
Service?" Not to be dismayed the wife goes on: "well
how about fixing the TV antennae then?" "Who do
I look like, The Acme Antennae Man?" And he gets up and goes off
to play golf . Returning home a few ...
1 Comentarios, 169 Vistas,
8 Votos
,4.87 Puntuación
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joke 18/11/2014
There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle ...
1 Comentarios, 149 Vistas,
7 Votos
,4.31 Puntuación
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joke 18/11/2014
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says:
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says, "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not
be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing
is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband ...
1 Comentarios, 158 Vistas,
8 Votos
,4.64 Puntuación
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joke 18/11/2014
A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor says, 'I'm
sorry but you only have 6 hours to live.' So, the guy goes home and says to his wife, 'Honey, I only have 6 hours to live.' So, they go right to bed. They have sex and an hour later he says, 'Can we do it again?' His wife says, 'Well, okay.' An hour later he says, 'Honey, can we do it again?' His wife says, 'Well, okay, maybe one more time.'
They ...
0 Comentarios, 140 Vistas,
2 Votos
,3.12 Puntuación
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