Affair Jokes!
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Posted:Mar 7, 2008 2:52 pm
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2014 12:18 am
17897 Views
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The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.'I can't lie to you,' he replied,'I'm having an affair with my secretary.We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a .
They decided to try one last time
for the they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new .
He was horrified at the ugliest
he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.
'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
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5
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The best ever Cyber Sex!
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Posted:Feb 28, 2008 3:30 am
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2008 8:53 am
16768 Views
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This is an oldie but goodie! 
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
-------------------
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
-----------------------------
Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate K, but don't tell anybody 
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate want everything, baby!
Bloodninjas this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
------------------
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
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4
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The Top 10 Sex Myths (Only 2 Are True!)
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Posted:Feb 27, 2008 2:53 am
Last Updated:Feb 28, 2008 10:14 am
16673 Views
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This was written by a woman...are only 2 of them really true? 
1. Men want sex more than women do. Wrong. The reason why men tend to wishfully prod their penises into our determinedly turned backs, isn't just to do with desire. Other factors have a big influence, too: For example, we're still more likely to do most of the housework on top of holding down a job. So we're exhausted! Plus, hormones make us feel like having a lot of sex during certain times of the month, rather than all of the time. And, because we tend to attach more emotions to sex than men do, we aren't going to beg him for action if he's been giving us attitude.
2. If you're a truly great lover, you should know how to please anyone. It's extremely likely that someone who knows a lot about sex and has had lots of practice is going to be better in bed than an inexperienced virgin. Technically, that is. However, if you're crazy about said inexperienced lover (physically or emotionally)–oh, and if he has a double-jointed tongue–it might be the best sex you've ever had. “Good sex” has as much do to with perception and the brain as technique and the genitals.
3. African-American men have bigger penises. Okay, this one's a bit out of left field, but fascinating nonetheless because, guess what: It's true! African-American guys are bigger, and their penises are thicker, too. One study of Asian, Caucasian and African-American men came up with the following stats: Asian men were smallest, averaging 4-5.5 inches, Caucasians came next with 6 inches, and the penises of African-American men are reportedly 6.5-8 inches long.
4. Happy couples have good sex most of the time. Right, and my neighbor's buying me a private jet for my birthday. Show me a couple that's having out-of-control, raging, lusty sex every night after years of sharing the same bed, and I'll show you a pig that can fly. Toss this one out of the window immediately! Life and all its pressures get in the way for all of us. Does it mean your friend is lying if she claims to have fabulous sex after five years of marriage and two ? Maybe. Or maybe she thinks you have a great sex life and doesn't want to admit she doesn't. Or maybe her definition of great sex is different than yours. Or maybe she really does have terrific sex… once a month. It's all subjective.
5. If you have to plan sex, and it isn't spontaneous, something's wrong. Heaven help your partner if you believe this one. Desire might well tap you on the shoulder in the early stages of a relationship, but the hormones that fuel the tapping disappear after about 18 months. Well, if you're lucky actually; plenty of couples find desire lowers dramatically after about nine months. But don't panic. It doesn't mean you'll never fancy each other again; it just means that you need to keep reminding your body and brain how much you enjoy sex. Spontaneous sex is usually good sex. But planning a sex session–anticipating it, looking forward to it–this makes for pretty good sex as well.
6. Men are more promiscuous than women. The real truth is, this one is probably true, but by much less than you think. When polled about their sex lives, men overestimate while women underestimate, due to societal pressures. It's also totally dependent on how attractive the people in question are. An attractive, sexually liberated woman is likely to have had more partners than a not-so-fab-looking guy around the same age, for instance. It's called opportunity.
7. If they had an affair, they don't love me. Wrong again. If your partner cheats, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you. It does, however, mean he doesn't respect you if you'd agreed to be monogamous.
8. Women don't like porn or dirty sex. Take a look at all the emails I get from women asking where to buy good female erotica, and you'll see how silly this myth is. And the reverse applies as well: Not all women want rose petals scattered across the bed and romantic massages, rather than raunchy, lusty, wicked romps. Every woman is different, but bottom line? Anyone who thinks men are only ones conjuring up lurid, graphic fantasies about other passengers on the subway is deluded.
9. Most women orgasm through intercourse. I'm not going to harp on about this one because anyone who's ever read any of my other articles practically has it written on their forehead in felt tip marker pen that only 30% of women orgasm from penetration alone. But it is worth repeating. Most women need stimulation of the clitoris by a hand or a vibrator during intercourse in order to climax. It's not anyone's fault that the penis isn't enough; it's a design fault in the female body. The clitoris is outside the vagina, rather than inside it (not terribly helpful of whoever has the female body patent, I agree). True, some women claim to have fabulous orgasms through front vaginal wall stimulation. But the good old-fashioned clitoral orgasm is far more common and reliable.
10. Men are always ready for and want sex. If you're talking a 17-year-old who's just landed his first girlfriend, you're probably right. It's likely he will walk, talk, daydream and want to have sex every waking second (and when he's asleep as well). But once a man hits his mid-20s (and often before that), other parts of his life start to become equally as important as sex, and all that energy and focus is needed elsewhere. Real life dampens a lot of men's sex drives more efficiently than a bucket of water poured over a solitary lit match. Work, stress, pressure, bills, arguments… they all stop him (and you!) from feeling like sex all day, every day. He's not like your vibrator; you can't just plug him in and expect him to perform on cue. (Actually, that's why we own vibrators.) There is a man attached to that penis.
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What are you reading?
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Posted:Nov 15, 2007 8:57 am
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2013 12:55 am
16890 Views
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I love my books and was just wondering what everyone else is reading at the minute. I usually only read one type of book...fantasy fiction and they're all set in a place called the Forgotten Realms. It is a highly-developed and comprehensive fantasy world, comprised of many characters, places and events, detailed in a long line of game products, novels and accessories published since the late 1980s.
I just finished a book called Death Of The Dragon which was the final book of a trilogy set in a place called Comyr. It is one of the best, if not the best, fantasy epic adventures that I have ever read. The story is gripping; the characters are real; the plot lines are original; the magic is original; there is even an original monster or two; and there is a dragon -- a very big dragon. I read 'Cormyr: A Novel' quite a while ago and was very impressed with the magnitude of the history of the world it described. It weaved two story lines, one of now, and one of then, to tell a fantastic tale. 'Beyond the High Road' continues the tale of now with lots of references to the tale of then to lay the foundation for 'Death of the Dragon'.
Without giving too much away, let's just say that this book turns the typical stereotype of never-a-doubt that Good will prevail and stretches it to the extreme. Normally few, if any, good guys actually die. If they do it is only after the momentous battle that is the conclusion of the book. Not here. Greenwood & Denning (The authors) show much more reality in the battles. You will see where death keeps her sting. This book will draw you into the story and make you read it because what happends next is never predictable. The story is one long perilous journey; there is no safe place to rest and no safe place to close the book.
This trilogy is a must read for any fan of the genre and a great first for someone just beginning it. Have I bored you enough yet?
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Does anyone take romance/sex quizzes seriously?
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Posted:Nov 8, 2007 5:21 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2007 8:27 am
17032 Views
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I decided to take one of those quizzes out of curiosity and here were the results...
Irishkev is not necessarily promiscuous or lacks standards, but the overall answer patterns suggest that Irishkev is exceedingly sensitive to the psychological and physical elements of romance and passion, even to the point they, at times, may lack impulse control. People like this tend to love life with zeal, often living in the moment and trying not to let experiences pass them by, with many having engaged in a wider range of sexual behaviors, sometimes with a number of different partners. Someone like this is bound to be gregarious and flirtatious in public, becoming extremely sensual and wildly uninhibited behind closed doors. In fact, these individuals are amongst the most passionate of people when the timing is right.
What Makes This Type So Attractive? Those of high seducability can be absolute elixirs in and of themselves, with many drawn to this sort for their…
• Uninhibited nature. Fun, fun-loving, and provocative, this type is very adventurous and erotophilic, open to trying new things, with many “closeted kinks” when it comes to sexual experimentation.
• Lust for the sensual and the act of seduction. Not to be stigmatized as players necessarily, this sort loves anything that entertains their intellect, including the sexual, and that involves pleasure, including the potential for even greater pleasure.
• Ability to be fabulous, hopeless flirts. Whether coy, up for tit for tat discourse, or clever in dishing out the flattery, this sort is alluring in their ability to be suggestive and fearless in expressing interest.
• Their sensitivity and moodiness. A bit theatrical at times, and not afraid to express themselves in many ways, this sort will always keep you entertained, amusing woo’ers who know how to handle it.
Tips for Tempting This Type:
It can be easy for someone like Irishkev to fall in love. So… Don’t get carried away and “dive in” with them, no matter how hard this is not to do! Many are only open initially, yet withdraw once someone gets “too close,” despite their desire to be more emotionally involved for the long-term. Do choose your words and actions wisely. Do what you say and say what you mean.
Irishkev may well push your own boundaries or comfort level. So… Don’t engage in anything you may regret, whether it’s too soon, too risqué, or too… Do show tolerance and maintain a healthy sense of adventure.
Despite conveying otherwise, this sort can have as many issues with sex and relationships as the next person. So… Don’t assume that this person is free of sex issues or necessarily sexually empowered. Many can have misguided ideas on what it means to be sexually liberated. Do be sensitive to any intimacy issues they may be grappling with.
You may be tempted to be as impulsive as Irishkev can sometimes be. So… Don’t give into any manipulation or even aggressive tactics that this sort can try to employ in getting the upper hand or having their way. Do fight that urge. Playing a little “hard to get” and pacing your interactions can actually heighten arousal and desire.
These individuals love to flirt ‒ and with just about anyone. Don’t assume that Irishkev, who may be a bit neurotic or narcissistic in nature, is 100% into you and only you. Do let Irishkev know what constitutes proper flirting to you and where you need to draw your boundaries in getting involved with someone.
Many long for monogamous, long-term relationships. Don’t assume that Irishkev just cares about physical pleasure or living in the moment, despite a reputation of becoming bored or tiring easily, especially once the chase has cooled. Furthermore, don’t assume that many have wracked up a high number of sex partners, if that’s your concern. Plenty of people in this category have been involved in long-term, often monogamous, relationships where they have established a safe, trusting space for sexual exploration and sharing. Do talk about each other’s expectations, needs and wants.
Bottom Line: While this type can be into all sorts of high stimuli, becoming easily aroused, don’t assume that their ability to realize their highest sexual self on a physical level translates into being able to do that on an emotional or spiritual level in the boudoir, If this is what you’re after you may be disappointed. Rather allow yourself to be allured, recognizing that much of what they do is based on their need to be pleased, their desire to be liked and loved, their need to impress, and a deep-seated vulnerability when it comes to being intimate with another.
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3
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Kissing!
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Posted:Oct 30, 2007 1:24 am
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2008 8:18 am
16964 Views
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Whoever said "A kiss is just a kiss" had obviously never been kissed properly. A kiss can be sexy, sweet, smooth, slow, fast, enticing, revealing or world-rocking. Who knew two lips could say so much?
I could kiss for hours anyone else feel the same?
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6
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Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
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Posted:Oct 17, 2007 7:20 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2007 11:42 am
16837 Views
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1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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The perfect husband!
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Posted:Oct 10, 2007 8:09 am
Last Updated:Oct 31, 2007 11:42 am
16935 Views
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Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buyit?"
MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£70,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. Theywill probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks:
"Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
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Tagged
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Posted:Sep 25, 2007 12:23 am
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2007 12:55 am
16885 Views
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Ok I was tagged by Miss Amber so I have to put down 10 things about me that I don't think I've ever put down here
1. My favourite musical artist is Nuno Bettencourt...a guitar legend!
2. My favourite aftershave is Chanel Allure Sport.
3. I'm a Dungeons and Dragons nerd. I play all the D&D computer games and the only books I've read this past 5 years are all set in the Forgotten Realms.
4. My favourite football team is Everton followed by my home town club and I also keep a wee eye on the Celtic results.
5. I'm actually not too bad at footy either at a local level. Over the past number of years I've got 8 Player of the year and Players Player of the year trophies which are proudly displayed in my living room.
6. I've no but have been quite broody for a number of years.
7. I'm a bit of a trekkie and love all the series except the original one.
8. My favourite food is Italian.
9. I think tatoos are class but only have managed to have 2 so far...I've always thought about getting more but just haven't decided what to get get or where to get it yet.
10. I'm very open about sex and love almost everything about it...I think you might have guessed that one already though 
I think everyone has already been tagged so I can't name 10 more people but if you haven't done it already then feel free to work away
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7
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Hi Daddy
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Posted:Sep 6, 2007 3:14 am
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2007 3:54 pm
16956 Views
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"Hello?"
"Hi honey. This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the
table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to
Mommy that Daddy's car just
pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran
around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he
jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean
it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says,"Swimming pool?
Is this
486-5731?"
No, this is 486-5713.....
sorry wrong number
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mmmm Favourite Sandwiches
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Posted:Aug 28, 2007 5:32 am
Last Updated:Sep 5, 2007 10:21 am
16915 Views
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I'm sitting here tucking into a Chicken Supreme Sandwich which has to be my favourite....what's yours?
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5
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Universal Truths
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Posted:Aug 24, 2007 7:45 am
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2007 10:58 am
16957 Views
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At the end of every party there is a girl crying.
Youre never quite sure whether its ok to eat green crisps.
Reading when your drunk is horrible.
Your never quite sure whether its illegal or not to have a fire in your back garden.
nobody ever dares make a cup a soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
Everyone always remembers the day a ran into their school.
The most embarrassing thing a schoolchild can do is call their teacher mam or dad.
old women with mobile phones looks wrong.
Its impossible to look cool while picking up a Frisbee.
driving through a tunnel makes you excited.
You never run out of salt.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you have your head or your hand stuck in something.
Despite the warnings you have never met anyone who has had their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and standing on an upturned plug.
everyone has had an uncle who has tried to steal your nose.
bricks are horrible to carry.
knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it into a fruit salad.
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Taking It Slow
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Posted:Aug 20, 2007 9:00 am
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2007 9:32 am
16972 Views
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What does this statement mean in a relationship? I would have thought it was just the sex which is all good and fine but is there anything else? I mean does taking it slow mean only seeing each other every so often? Chat every so often? If so then what is the point?
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To link to this blog (rm_IrishKev) use [blog rm_IrishKev] in your messages.
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