Ha ha
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投稿日：2009年 8月 5日 3:56 pm
最終更新日時：2011年 9月 30日 1:35 am 85441 回の閲覧
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Got this sent to me a couple of days ago as a text.
Everyone I have shown has had a laugh, so am going to share it with you.
A builder on the 3rd floor forgot his saw.....So he yells down to his apprentice on the 2nd floor. But he can't hear him.
The builder then decides to use sign language.
He points to his eye ( then his knees (need) then he moves his arms in a sawing motion.
The apprentice nods, pulls down his pants, and starts to wank.
The builder is furious, goes up to the lad and yells "what are you doing?"
I said I needed a saw.
The apprentice replies "I know, I was just letting you know I was cuming."
Hope you got a laugh. I did.
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9
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Gone but not forgotten
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投稿日：2009年 7月 17日 5:18 am
最終更新日時：2009年 10月 21日 5:04 am 86778 回の閲覧
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I have been working in a Nursing Home for just over three
months.
I am not a nurse, but have very close contact with the
people who live there.
The first couple of weeks I found very hard. Seeing how people
end their lives.
There were a few deaths, but I hadn't been there long enough to
get to know them.
Today, two of them passed away. I had gotten to know them.
It made a world of difference.
One of them said to me a couple of weeks ago, that she just
wanted her memories and life back.
The other, one of the sweetest ladies you could ever meet.
I took her her supper. She wanted her dressing gown, but was
too week to reach out and get it. It was only about a foot
away.
I thought she was cold, so asked if she would like me to put it
on for her. She said no, she just needed her teeth out of her
pocket, so she could eat.
I am glad they are both now at peace. But am so sad at their
passing.
I wonder how many more are to die before I have to change jobs.
I hope I was able to brighten their days.
It is so hard not getting close to some of them, especially
knowing that they might not be here for too long.
Some of them have no family or friends to visit,or are too busy,
or just don't care anymore, until they are about to die.
I will keep going as long as I can. I will try and make their
last days or months a little happier for them.
This is dedicated to all those in Nursing Homes. May you find
Nurses and other staff, who are willing to ease you into the
next life, whatever your beleifs.
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Bad Friend
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投稿日：2009年 6月 7日 12:18 am
最終更新日時：2009年 11月 4日 11:44 pm 83262 回の閲覧
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It's long and white, and some are brown,
Upon it's head a glowing crown.
Put it down, it smolders and burns,
Watch the smoke, as it spins and turns.
Spending money every day,
Just to waste your life away.
Once were able to run far and fast,
Now run short way, breath in gasps.
Lungs were once rich and red,
Now they are black, and almost dead.
Yes, have tried once again to give up the cigs.
Lasted two days.
Have tried just about everything to give up.
We are bombarded here in Oz to give up smoking.
As the ad says, 'Giving up is hard. Not giving up is harder.'
With nice graphic film clips.
Maybe the govt. should not be so greedy, and fund non smoking aids so they are free.
If you are any other type of 'addict' you can get free treatment.
Yes, I am very good at finding excuses.
Do any of you ex smokers have the answer?
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13
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Test Drive
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投稿日：2009年 5月 19日 1:46 am
最終更新日時：2009年 7月 27日 2:18 am 83428 回の閲覧
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When you are looking for a new car, you take it for a test drive.
You want to make sure it is comfortable, you can reach the pedals (important for me, cos I am short), and so many other things.
When you are looking to buy a new bed, you test drive it. Most shops even have bits of plastic on the end of the bed so you don't have to take your shoes off Don't know about you, I always take my shoes off when I am going to bed.
When you are buying a new sofa, you sit in it, and make sure the leg rest come up, so is easy to fall asleep in for any number of reasons.
Why can't you test the humble toilet?
Sure, you can sit on the seat to check out if you fit.
But more goes on than just sitting on the thing.
Some of the designs are so futuristic. Some have the cistern hidden in the wall, or look like pieces of sculpture, that would look fine in your formal lounge room.
Some you flush with a pedal, and god forbid if you still have one that you have to pull the chain.
If these toilets are so advanced, why is there still a use of a toilet brush?
Maybe they should employ a physics expert to design the perfect toilet, then we wouldn't have any nasty surprises left behind. Pun intended.
Or going back to the subject of Test Driving, if we could test drive toilets before buying one, we could purchase the perfect one just for us.
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Press the correct button
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投稿日：2009年 4月 14日 12:59 am
最終更新日時：2009年 8月 9日 4:43 am 83200 回の閲覧
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My brother bought his toddler, that when you pressed it, it growled instead of a horn for his tricycle.
I said that the noise would drive him crazy. He said if it got to that stage, he would take the batteries out.
5am the other morning, thought I would check my emails before setting off to work.
There were two photos of my nephew on his tricycle, with the tigers head on it.
I was still half asleep when I sent my brother an email asking him if he had taken the batteries out yet.
Off to work I went. Next day I checked my emails. Got all excited, as there were a few waiting for me to read.
They were all asking strange questions about batteries. Some of them quite personal.
Thought the world had gone quite mad.
Then I realized, in my sleepy state, I had hit "reply all" instead of "reply" only.
So a message had gone all around the world, asking strangers if they had taken their batteries out yet.
I have gone into hiding.
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8
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Funnies
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投稿日：2009年 3月 3日 12:02 am
最終更新日時：2009年 6月 19日 11:02 pm 84405 回の閲覧
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Here's a couple of fun things. You might have already seen them. TOUGH.
Senility Prayer
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway
The good fortune to run into the ones I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference
When a panel of doctors were asked to vote on the new hospital issue, the allergists voted to scratch it and the dermatologists preferred no rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve, and the obstetricians stated that they were labouring under a misconception.
The ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the pathologists yelled "Over my dead body" while the paediatricians said "Grow up!"
The psychiatrists thought it was madness; the surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing, and the radiologists could see right through it!
The interns thought it was a bitter pill to swallow but the plastic surgeon said "This puts a whole new face on the matter"
The podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.
In the end, the anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
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4
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Interest Wall
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投稿日：2009年 2月 22日 11:19 pm
最終更新日時：2015年 8月 19日 6:36 pm 83676 回の閲覧
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Here goes, my first blog.
I have a wall next to my computer that I stick things of interest to me. Some are funny, some are not. They are there for all to see, nothing to hide, or scare young children.
Last year was the worst year of my life so far. Found an article in the Sunday paper. Positive Psychology Titled "C'mon get happy". have condensed it some what'. The word chosen is "Choose"
C Clarity of goals, directions and life purposes
H Healthy living, physical activity, diet, sleep and rest
O Optimistic thinking
O Others, relationships in your life
S Strength, qualities and attributes
E Enjoy the moment
It did help, but not straight away.
Also from the paper, four empty beer bottles. No.5 has a drooping neck. Written is, "four drinks a day can lower your sexual performance". Gets a few laughs from my sons friends.
Time table of my daughter who is at uni a long way from home.
An email sent to me a while back titled "Words women use", very funny but a bit long to put here. Must have been written by a man in a bad marriage or relationship.
Photo of fire fighter David Tree (apt name), giving Sam the Koala a drink.
Photo of my friend in Scotland who I met on Passion.
Also a poem he wrote for me.
Both friend and poem make me laugh, hard to have a bad day.
Before my sister has a moan that there is no photo of her on my wall, that's because she is scared of a camera.
There is still lots of room to add more things.
So will update when I find new things.
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