Out of options.
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Posted:Jan 15, 2012 10:15 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 9:10 am
5618 Views
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Like the title says- I'm out of options. The only thing I have not tried is drug abuse, or alcoholism. While neither of those are ideal ways to live a life-- neither is this.
I'm not a whiny shit afraid of the world. I am not posting this for "wow" factor. I'm tired of every fucking thing being my fault, and finally, someone else will have to take the blame.
Blame all the shit you want to on me, I don't give a fuck anymore.
I only have one request, and that is to be cremated. Why? I think you know why. I don't want anyone who didn't give a shit before, to show up and pretend to give a shit now.
Nephew- my apologies. There is an account with your name on it. None of this is your fault in any way, shape, or form.
Everyone else- Know that I do not hate people. I actually love people. I can not stand more time on a place like this, where we are all against one another, taught he/she with the most toys wins, and all the cliche bullshit. If I could do it over, and change some things, FUCK YES I WOULD.
This is what happens when the ability to cope with life is overcome by the stressors in life. It's too painful, and too much.
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FUCK 2011, hopefully 2012 is better
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Posted:Dec 31, 2011 8:33 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2012 4:59 am
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Only 30 more minutes until we send what has been, for me, the most fucked up year ever. I got fucked over by douchebags at work, and took advice that, in retrospect, did nothing but hurt me at job.
I went through periods of time that I wanted to blow my fucking head off, and while I am glad that I didn't follow through with it, I honestly can not stand the loneliness that has become my fucking life lately. I am shy, and reserved, and want to change that. If that means taking up drinking, or doing whatever, I am open to it. Fuck it, I need to have some type of fun. Life has fucking sucked for awhile now.
2012, if you do not start off better than 2011 ended, I won't have to worry about the end of the world at this time next year. I have no intentions of sticking around if things are not better by February.
Fuck It.
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Damn it
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Posted:Dec 18, 2011 11:14 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2012 5:00 am
5476 Views
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Why in the hell am I getting "Flirts" from South Africa, of all places? This site is turning to shit, especially considering all of the free sites we can choose from now. I have only met one girl who was interested in having sex on the first date, and like a dumbass, I dated her for a long, long, time.
Fuck.
Are there girls on here who really want to have sex on the first date? If so, fucking let me know.
PS: Don't be from South Africa
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Stressed as hell
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Posted:Dec 9, 2011 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2012 5:01 am
5417 Views
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I am at the fucking end of my rope. Life is a bitch when you are an introverted person by nature. People assume that I will be dull, boring, and not worth their time. However, I am only shy until I am with someone; be it one on one, or in a group setting. My problem is that it is fucking impossible for me to approach someone, and ask them if they are interested.
Sure, online, complete different story. If I am rejected, so what? People do not see me, and they can not see the way I feel. To be honest, I don't really care most of the time if I get rejected on this site- since most profiles of women are fake to begin with.
I am not meant to be alone. I have a lot to offer someone special. The problem is that I may go through my entire life, alone, all because I am too much of a fucking pussy to approach a girl. When I am alone, all I can think of is how much I am missing out on. The friends that I do have, all do the same damn thing when they go out: get fucking drunk, and act like a shithead. I have no problem with people who drink, fuck it, i used to. However; I do not drink anymore because I hate that false happiness you get from being buzzed, or drunk.
Honestly, I don't know what the hell I am babbling about anymore. I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am one of those who actually need someone else in my life to make me feel whole.
Life is a bitch. FML.
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When to say Goodbye
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Posted:Oct 10, 2011 10:28 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 9:10 am
5511 Views
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Lately, I have been contemplating whether or not life is actually worth living. I was always the first one to say that Suic*** is wrong, and that the person who commits the act is selfish; but that's all changed.
The reason this thought continually ruminates through my head is not the result of a girl, or of a job, or any of the bullshit most people commit it. My reason, simply, is because I do not believe in happiness anymore.
In a search for happiness, I have tried the church, psychology, and every other damn thing you can think of. The worst part about all of this shit stems from a wreck I had in 2000, and decided not to go back to Kentucky to finish school. Since then, I have been suffering from back pain due to herniated and dislocated discs from L3-L4 through S1-S2. The treatment for that is OK, since I have no desire for narcotic medication. On top of that bullshit, I have become depressed (no shit, eh), and have an ADD issue, which I knew I had since I was 17, but resisted treatment. I finally accepted the treatment, and even with the meds I am on, I can not finish one damn thing before moving on to the next.
Lastly; Fuck My Life. I am 31, have never been married, have no meaningful relationship, have more or less become a recluse due to lack of shit to do, and I have no of my own.
At this point, it's hard because I do not give a shit about anything. It's not something I want to do, but for my family's sake, I feel I have to do. They should not have to worry about me all the time.
Fuck it.
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Sorting Shit Out
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Posted:Jul 15, 2011 7:01 pm
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2011 8:07 pm
6031 Views
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Recently, I have become extremely unhappy in my personal life, for one main reason: lack of love. By love, I don't mean someone to come home to, and, before I drop my briefcase, she has dropped my briefs and has my cock in her mouth. No, I want someone I can love. I admit to wearing my heart on my sleeve most of the time, but I have learned to reign it in. I am not a desperate person, but I am getting to the point where, every single night, I wonder; is it worth going on? Is this kind of pain going to define me?
Unfortunately, it has begun to do so. Whereas, I used to be happy go lucky, now I have a chip on my shoulder. I teach my nephew to turn away from fights, and to be an upstanding citizen. Meanwhile, something as innocent as a jab about my shirt, from a guy, and I'm ready to come to blows. What the fuck is that all about?
If it were strictly sex causing this, fuck it- I know enough whores in Kokomo (No, I have not been with them) to satisfy that. I want a woman who knows what she wants, and can fucking accept love, and someone who presents themselves to the public as little miss snobbish bitch, but in reality, when it is just the two of us, is ready to fuck for as long as possible. I'm not sure if that exists on this site. Each month feels like I am being ripped off because, I see multiple profiles showing the same damn face, in three or four different fucking cities!
So, here it is: If you are real, and can understand what I am saying- by all means, contact me. Do not be afraid that, if you make the first move, I will have a weird view of you. I have learned that the majority of people on here, I do not even know they exist thanks to that fucking cupid setting.
Anyway, until then, take care.
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I hate this feeling
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Posted:Apr 9, 2011 10:58 pm
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2011 5:36 pm
5568 Views
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I have always been someone who sees the glass half empty, so it comes as no surprise that, despite the seasons changing; my mood has not.
I fully expected to return to my normal way of feeling when the sunlight returned, and nothing could be further from the truth. I will admit that I have been diagnosed as depressed, but I always assumed that depression was a side effect of the crash that caused my panic disorder. However, I am starting to realize this whole depression thing is real.
Believe me, I hate whiny little bitch posts as much as the next person, but I honest to God have no clue what I am going to do. Granted, at one point or another, we all are depressed over something. Usually, a death of a family member or close friend. Hell, part of the reason I have this feeling of extreme depression is because my grandmother, who died two years ago, is not around for me to talk to. She was the one fucking person in this world I could trust. Having her gone, I am forced to tuck away pain each fucking day, telling myself things are going to change.
Truth is, I know things will not change. I am 31 fucking years old, I have no girlfriend, so I have no family started. I do have a decent job, but that's a fucking headache now. I come home everynight after work, and just sit, and do nothing, and cry my eyes out like a little bitch because I am so fucking tired of all this bullshit. At some point, it becomes too much to take. I am glad I have a psychiatrist who understands why i feel the way I do, but damn it, nothing ever fucking helps. Self help books are a way to pass time; medication is just one more fucking thing to forget on my way to work; meditation- fuck, who has time for this?
I really wish I had the balls to relieve myself of this pain, but I know deep down that that is not the answer. I hate my life, and I hate the fact that everything is such a fucking routine. I see a counselor, but fuck, she talks more than me. I don't know if I should listen to her advice, or offer her some and slap her with a bill on my way out.
In the end, nobody gives a fuck anyhow. A few people will be sad for a few years, but eventually, that pain recedes, and you are a distant memory. Oh fuck it, I dont want to write anymore.
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Goodbye,,, too good a word. Fare thee well-
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Posted:Jun 10, 2010 7:07 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 9:10 am
5810 Views
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I'm tired of this. Not the site, just life in general. I can already see people responding back, 'Then change it', but fuck it, change ain't easy. Neither has life been.
It seems like every time something good starts to happen, something else fucks it up. Maybe I should have been more of a prick, and kept people guessing how I felt about them. Maybe I should have revealed the insecurities I have had, instead of covering them up with meaningless people, meaningless acquaintances, and lost years of my life. I spend so much time looking back, I never get anywhere. Its frustrating, and I dont feel like trying to resolve things anymore. What good does it do to resolve something when don't care about what the resolution does for you?
Either way, Fuck it. I've wasted my life this far anyhow.
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No Regrets? Bullshit.
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Posted:Feb 28, 2010 4:25 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2012 5:01 am
6209 Views
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I have heard so many people say, or post to their profile on other sites, "I live my life with no regrets. Having regrets means you didn't learn something from the situation."
I, for one, happen to think that people who say that are full of shit. How in the hell could you go through life and not have at least one regret? Even if you learned something from it, you can regret it.
Hell, I can think of a handful of things off the top of my head, like not telling one of my ex-girlfriends how I really felt about her soon enough, or not visiting my grandma enough after her stroke, at the nursing home. I regret not doing many things, as well. I regret not being a more outgoing, carefree person. I regret not going to see George Strait in Louisville, when I was 19. I regret letting what happened to others effect me to the point that my life was more or less changed forever.
To say you have no regrets is an awfully conceited, and self serving thing to say. Stop and think about those "lessons" (otherwise known as "regrets"), and tell me that you are better off because of it. I know that there will be exceptions, like, "I don't regret breaking up with my ex-fiance, who treated me wonderful, but was an alcoholic." Clearly, in a case like that, the other person made a great choice.
I have just gotten sick of hearing people say that having regrets means not learning a lesson. That is such a damn lie. Hell, I regret most of my life, and would take it back if I could. However; life does not give us that option. You make a mistake, you regret it, and try to move on.
Life sucks; it is one series of painful events after another. And before someone starts with the "Emo" bullshit, save it. I'm not emo, I just realize that my life is a fucking joke. I am unhappy, both in love, and in general. Happiness is a memory, pain is inevitable, and regret is a given.
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I know girls are on here who want to have sex
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Posted:Jan 14, 2010 4:50 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2012 5:01 am
5850 Views
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I have been on this site for, well, damn, looks like a long time. I can say, though, that for the first 4 years or so, I never came to the site. It wasn't a gold membership, so I forgot about it. Browse forward a few years, and I am directed to this site, via porn I had been watching that night.
Anyhow, I am looking for one of those beautiful girls who love sex, but are too afraid to actually admit it. Just once, I would love it if a woman would email me some of the things I see guys saying to girls' profiles. The one girl I dated on this site was cool as hell, and we had a great time for about three months. She was beautiful, and not afraid to admit that, at times, she just needed to get off.
We respected each other the entire time we were "dating", and in general, things were pretty good. The whole thing is to remember to respect each other. We are both on here for a reason, so why deny it?
That being said, if you are someone who falls into this category of women, please, contact me. I am interested in seeing people who are a little further away, such as Lafayette, Muncie, Marion, etc. I want to experience what it is like to be with a woman who absolutely loves sex. Just because you enjoy sex does not mean you, or I, are a . It's something that feels good, and both parties (usually), enjoy.
So, feel free to say hey no matter the age.
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Coolest Porn Star Ever, IMO
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Posted:Dec 1, 2009 5:26 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2024 9:10 am
5679 Views
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First off, let me say that I have not actually seen any of this girl's "work". I have, however, seen her as a correspondent for G4's "Attack of the Show". The "star" I am speaking of is Sasha Gray. The reason I think she is cool is not because she is on a show dedicated to video games (I actually fucking hate playing video games), but because she is so open about the fact that she is in porn. I saw her interview on AOTS, which was about her appearance in some slasher flick. The guy who hosts the show kept asking her about similarities between her regular line of work, and a regular movie. To her credit, she was perfectly honest. When asked if she was going to stop porn, she replied emphatically that she would not. She said she has no intention of quitting porn, and that she loves being in the porn business. And, while the mainstream movies are fun to be in, she just flat out admitted that she gets paid to have sex on film, so other people can get off on watching her, and that it turns her on.
She explained how she got her porn name, and to the surprise of the hosts, she was very intelligent. Most of us know about the famed Dr. Kinsey, and his study on sex. Likewise, most of us know about the "Gray" scale, or the "Kinsey Scale of Sexuality". I will let you do your own research on this, but it's pretty easy to guess what the "Gray" means as far as sexuality.
Basically, I just like the fact that more and more porn "stars" are actually proving to us that they are more than just tits and ass, and blowjob machines. It's nice to see that, just like in any profession, there are always those who break the mold.
I feel weird because I actually don't really care that much for porn, but I certainly have nothing against it. I like learning about the actual actresses themselves, than I do watching their work. I know Aurora Snow is very smart, and I think that's hot as fuck to have a girl who is smart, and beautiful.
I'm bored as hell, and had nothing better to do, so I thought: "Why not just write another pointless blog about this chick who is on G4 again." So, that is what I did. If you didn't want to read it, nobody made you. And, if you actually enjoyed it, or can add to it, feel free to.
Take care,
J
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Where in the hell is everyone?
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Posted:Nov 1, 2009 4:20 pm
Last Updated:Nov 3, 2009 3:38 pm
6060 Views
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I'm just asking, in general, what the fuck happened to all of the cool people who used to be on here. Are the new people who signed up just looking to throw their money away and not actually use this site to meet people? This site actually offers a lot more than just fucking, if you choose to accept it, so why not take the time to make contact with people?
I send out messages to the "new" people around my area, and many times, I see that their profile has been removed the next day (usually because of their profile being a bot). This site is fun for webcams, and for those who actually have an open mind, you just might find someone on here who is looking for more than just sex.
So, nothing ventured, nothing gained. At least I put a call out on here. If nothing else, just introduce yourself or something.
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Seasonal Dysphoric Mood Disorder?
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Posted:Nov 1, 2009 4:10 pm
Last Updated:Nov 5, 2009 4:19 pm
5752 Views
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With today being the first full day of "the time change", I wonder how many of us are being affected with Seasonal Dysphoric Mood Disorder. I am sure that most people have heard of this, but I am curious as to how many people believe in it.
I, for one, feel that this is definitely a medical condition for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that I have already experienced, in years past, people turning into complete assholes for the slightest reason once we start going in to work in the dark, and heading home from work in the dark. People, in general, just seem to be more solemn, and depressed.
Secondly, I feel like I am experiencing it. Granted, I always have been a rather emotional person (not a pussy, though), but the less I see of the sun the worse I feel. For those of you who do not feel this phenomenon, I am actually kind of jealous.
I have read the various ways to "trick" your brain into believing that the seasons haven't changed; i.e. using halogen lighting in the house, setting your alarm to "seasonal" sounds from spring or summer, etc, etc. However, all of that aside, it's still fucking dark out!
I met a girl on here who was very into stars, charts, astrology, and various other things. Had I not met her, I never would have believed the reasoning I found for this dysphoric disorder when I simply Googled "Seasonal Mood Disorder". If you skip the Wiki entry, and click on the 365 link, it explains a lot of the hormonal changes that occur when the seasons change. I don't claim that any of it is true, nor do I claim any of it is false. However, I think that it is at least worth reading if you are vaguely interested in this. To the girl I am talking about- I hope you are doing well. You are a great person, and deserve better than you settle for.
Anyhow, I am just curious what others out there think. I have always disliked the fall, and the winter in general. I don't care how pretty the leaves are, or how nice the snow looks. I like my sunshine, and hate not having it.
Take care,
J
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