Sail away ♪♫ sail away ♪♫ sail away
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Posted:Mar 1, 2017 11:01 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:28 am
17070 Views
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I am reading about one of the ship owners I have worked for, John Carras, on one of his boats. I knew a few things about him, but now I learn that... It has been rumored that most of his ship acquisitions were paid in cash. He paid, rumored, something near to 30 million dollars, in cash, for a ship in 1967.
.....His new building orders were also diversified towards the country that had significantly contributed to his post-war progress, the USA, where two high-specification tankers named ADORATION and MAYFLOWER, were built and delivered under Liberian and US flags in 1957 and 1961 respectively.....
......However, the most celebrated period of John M. Carras new building activity, which highly contributed to the establishment of his group among the leaders within Greek shipping, is that between 1965 and 1969. In the course of these five years, he took delivery of 14 newly-built ships from three major Japanese shipyards.... Eh? 14 ships in cash?
I started as a basic engine room assistant/cleaner, ended up as apprentice engineer lol, what a career span of 3 years!
My first wage for a months work on a ship, in 1977, aged almost 15, was 40 pounds, in today's money, plus another 30 overtime. How could I compete ? That is the reason I am not and will never be a ship owner. Plus, 14 ships in 5 years? Could not even buy 14 good suits in 5 years, and is not 1967 anymore!
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The motor tanker ATHINA CARRAS, built in 1967 by Mitsubishi Heavy Industries Ltd. in Yokohama, Japan.
Mom took me and my sis, to visit dad on this little boat. He was 'the' Sebastian the seaman in the family, with 30 years work on the ships. That was 30 years on the water, not the periods when he was on land. The owners wanted to put her on dry dock on the Perama docks, and so they send her home, to Piraeus, Greece. As she was empty, she looked like a town in the middle of the water. Twice the height shown on the picture! About 25 meters from sea level to the deck! Fully loaded, she could still make Suez canal to New Orleans in 17-20 days! Took about 3 minutes to climb the steps on the side, from the tug that took us there, to the deck! She was about 25 meters wide and another 240 in length. This, probably, was the time when as a little boy aged 8 or 9, I fell in love with a ship! 120.000 tons gross weight, of pure bliss. 6 floors accommodation, and another 5 bellow that for her engine. All 12 pistons with their 70.000hp. I felt the purring of her engine, walked every inch of her, touched her everywhere! I went up to that observation tower on the front! I thought about where she had been, where she would go, and where she could take me, one day. The wondering, just before the wandering, had began.
Oh, and some early St Patrick fun
Bloke at a race whispers to Paddy next to
him,"Do you want the winner of the next race?"
Paddy replies "No tanks, oi've only got a small
yard.
Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and
decided to take them to the police station.
Mick "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!"
A coach load of paddies on a mystery tour
decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they
were going..... the driver won £52!
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin
out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejasus
I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb."
The operator asks, "is it tickin?
Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef"
Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next
time you're making love to your wife. The whole
street was watching and laughing at you
yesterday."
Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because
I wasn't even at home yesterday."
Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him
dancing naked in front of a tractor.
Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya doing?"
Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been
getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist
recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.
They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from
the Arabs and they're going to drill for their
own oil...
Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday,
only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got
pregnant.
2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got
pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got
pregnant."
Mick asks - So what are you going to do this
year?."
Paddy replies, - I'll take her with me!"
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday
this year"
Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to
him. "Did you find the shampoo?"
Paddy says, "Oi did, but it's for dry hair and
I've just wet mine."
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In a golf tour in Ireland , Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
Unaware of who he is talking to, the pump attendant - who knows absolutely nothing about golf - greets Tiger in a typical Irish manner, "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir."
Tiger nods a quick, 'hello'. As he steps out of the car two tees fall out of his pocket onto the ground.
"What be those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"Well, what on this God's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Fookin ‘ell," says the Irishman, "Mercedes think of everything!"
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Irish blonde...
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived
at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty
thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on,
baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down
and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the
dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know - I thought you were watching."
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
... but all men, we are...men!
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10
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I have a large one
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Posted:Feb 25, 2017 2:28 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:28 am
20496 Views
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When I was living in my old address, the ''Polly Pocket'' flat, all 28 square meters of it, the area was a bad spot for internet reception. After me and BT parted ways, the land line had to go along with the good connection. Their connection speed and the rest was great! They are just a bad company,( Bad Telecoms  ) for me. After that, I did not want a new land line any more as it was never used apart from cold calling. All I could get for my internet was the mobile dongle type  . Any videos I wanted to watch, the news, music, and porn, of course, had to be downloaded, otherwise they would play choppy. So I ended up downloading everything, the whole internet, then watch and delete. Things like 80 something episodes of Spooks, to watch for a second time, or 200 plus episodes of Dr Who ( What you mean Dr Who is for ?  ) along with music, games, and the porn collection, occupied my external drive. A 1T capacity drive. I managed to fill up about 90% of it, at times.
On one of my trips to a near by green island, I was going to stay in a little village for a few weeks, I knew internet connection was like wining the lotto, so I put some of my fav movies and music on a few memory sticks and took them with me. On my arrival I asked if there was any internet improvement since the last time. Nope, only an almost invisible network, could take a few hours for a laptop to find the damned thing and connect to it. The other option was a great, land line connection, on someones house! He had the internet for the whole village! So for a few of my mates in the village, viewing or downloading porn was a no no. Me always wanting to help, I lend them my memory sticks. I never seen them back! Instead they took me to the pub and plied me with drink until I forgot all about the sticks, and my name  . They also asked for some more on my next visit. Visiting a friends house in London, I started downloading the internet, again, just porn this time, for my mates in the green island village. And my collection started to grow. Then there were a couple of guys in another place I worked for a long time here in London. They were married with and sharing one computer for all the family in their homes. Both absolutely terrified to even click on a link, in case a virus appeared or their Mrs found out. So I helped them out as well, this time specific genres, ordered lol. And the collection kept growing. I now still have something like 400 gigs of porn, some of which I have not even watched. An old mate used to say, why download a 30 minutes video? You only need 5 minutes!
He is the same one who once, while all gathered round, telling stories at work, ( Yeah, a good life and job, when I get the balance right! ) I was telling them, about one night after my ex had gone to bed, about 2 in the morning while I was watching some porn, I heard her coming downstairs, so quickly changed the channel ( yeah, OK, years ago we had these bricks called tapes that when inserted in an even bigger brick called a VCR used to produce a fuzzy sound and a crap picture, very erotic ha ) and as I did not have my pants down and my cock in my hand, I just pretended to be watching the news. She said, what you watching? I said come, I want to show you, and flicked back to the porn, she looked at the screen, called me a pervert, slammed the door and went to bed. It was just a man and a woman having sex! No chickens, wild boar, calamaris, or dragons. Still, pervert I was! So thinking of that, I said to them, the only time I was 'caught' by the Mrs watching porn was that. His eyes opened up in awe, and he said, after 20 years marriage, you only been 'caught' once? I still laugh when I think of him, a giant with a fear of tiny teeny weeny spiders, awwww Danny!
Do you have any downloaded porn on your computer and how big is your collection?
Have you ever been 'caught' watching porn by an ex?
Do you know Danny? 
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To Be 6 Again...
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking
at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked
what she would like to have for her Birthday. "I'd like to be six again",
she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he got up early, made her a nice big
bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park! The Death Slide, the Wall
of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a
McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and
her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly
asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??" Her eyes slowly
opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size,
you dumb ass!"
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Chinese proverbs
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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After having sex with Kylie Minogue yesterday I think there are 2 things you all need to know. She really is as sexy as hell, secondly the staff at Madam Tussauds are miserable bastards with no sense of humour!!
Took the other half to a Disco last night. There was a bloke on the dance floor giving it large, break dancing, back flips, moon walking the works. Other half says " That guy proposed to me 20 years ago and I turned him down" I replied " looks like he is still celebrating"
The Queens Royal Corgis are delighted to see Prince Phillip back at The Palace as they will no longer be blamed for peeing on the sofa!
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him
I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day apparently, 'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69
Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner."
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6
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3 keywords...back to front.
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Posted:Feb 20, 2017 3:07 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:28 am
19195 Views
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I posted before about keywords on your own blog. Now this is keywords again, the first 3, from the end. I am almost sure someone has done this before, but I have not looked, and this is my blog lol!
3 ) Whining
2 ) Violence
1 ) Stinky pinky
reminds me of my ex lol
And a quick larf...
These are some clips from letters sent to the Council Housing Department...............
My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.
He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
It's the mess that I find hard to swallow.
I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
And their 18 year old is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the wall are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50 % are just plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the Clerk of Works down on the floor six times but still I have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
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Before marriage
John Ah, at last. I can hardly wait.
Jane Do you want me to leave?
John No. Don't even think about it.
Jane Do you love me?
John Of course. Always have and always will.
Jane Have you ever cheatted on me?
John No. Why do you even ask?
Jane Will you kiss me?
John Every chance I get.
Jane Will you be unfaithful?
John Hell no. Are you crazy?
Jane Can I trust you?
John Yes.
Jane Darling.
After marriage, read from bottom to top!
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6
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Working for her Maj
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Posted:Feb 19, 2017 1:09 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:28 am
19746 Views
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Did them both, lol! I told you I am special! No? How did I forget that? Listen up next time. I have in the past, worked for Queenie, her Maj, that's her majesty, in a secondary way, by working on government buildings, or hospitals and prisons. I have also worked for another her Maj. That's her, Maj. Yeah, the singer who was never anything like a virgin. I worked on her second London home, years ago. At the time, I had to drop back a few days from another job, a pizza place I was already doing. I explained to my boss that I had a good reason to be late for a week. He took that to his , the shop owner. On my return to the pizza shop, the owner was there, and when I seen him, I thought I was in for a dressing down. He asked what I been doing, and how was it. His eyes were shiny! He then turned and asked me ''We have Madonnas xxxxx? '' He was more ecxited than me! Phewww. I have also worked for the second wife of Marlon Brando. I still don't even know or remember her name. My ex told me about that one, when the job came in and she took down the details, otherwise I would of never known ha ha. ( I may or may not tell all about an imaginary singers house I worked on, and the imaginary 7 pages long confidentiality agreement, I may have or have not signed, at another possibly imaginary post! ) Have you ever worked for a famous person? Can you tell, or have you also had to read and sign 7 pages?
How strange, there are a couple of jokes here!
Michael O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.'
She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'
Michael said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.
'Oh, that is very nice indeed, Michael!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of Michael's drinking buddies on the street corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'Michael won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'
She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'
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Woman and baby in doctor’s surgery.
Woman - I’m concerned about the baby’s weight.
Doctor – Is he bottle or breast fed?
Woman – Breast
Doctor – Ok, strip off to the waist and I’ll examine your breasts
He pinches and sucks her nipples and rubs both breasts for a while then he
says
It’s no wonder the baby is underweight you have no milk!
Woman – I know, I’m his granny. But I’m glad I came.
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Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo.
Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the
limo hit the cow.
Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was all right.
Is it all right?' asked Victoria Beckham.
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. 'No ma'am,
it's dead.'
'Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!'
So the driver went off to the nearby farm. A couple of hours later he
came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up.
'Oh my god, what happened to you?' Victoria exclaimed.
'Well ma'am,' explained the driver, 'the farmer gave me this bottle of
wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their made love to me.'
'Just what the hell did you say to them? '
'I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow.'
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9
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Believe in love?
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Posted:Feb 16, 2017 2:44 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:27 am
20026 Views
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Oh, just to be clear...
WARNING: Any institution using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You DO have my full permission to use any of my profile content, blog or pictures, in any form or forum both current or future. Studies or projects including but not limited to adoration, admiration, worship and eternal love are especially welcome. If you don't, it will be considered a serious violation of my thirst for fame and internet exposure, an obstruction to my search for a stalker, MY stalker, and will be subject to legal ramifications.
Right, ...love.
Do you believe in love? I do believe in love, those butterflies, that feeling, the exhilaration, the daydreaming, the racing heart, even love at first sight. I believe in love. Am I looking? Ermm, yes, ( hope dies last! ) ... yes as in possibly. Possibly is not really a clear definition, yeah, tell me about it. Will I find it? I don't think so. I believe in love for everyone...everyone else! I am 53, soon to change lol. Though it has nothing to do with my age in years, it has to do with my years of experience. Which comes from my age in years...ok, I am getting confused here.
I may be wiser than a 22yo, or not, but not as wise as a 54yo, yet! That is the experience I am thinking of. I can hear everyone saying love is there, where you at least expect it, it is never too late, and the rest. And I agree with all of it. But...I believe love happens to 1st timers. I have not fallen in love for a second time yet, to know anything about it. I know about polyamory, multi this or another edition of that, but I am more thinking one on one here. Have you fallen in love more than once? Please tell.
I am not bitter, or still in love with my ex. It is not the defensive walls. It is not distrust either. Could it have to do with the addiction of singledom? Hm, there is a thought here. Doing whatever you fancy whenever and wherever you wish, I find it extremely addictive. The raised personal standards, for the second time around? The way that some of us just raise them so high, for the next round, the next throw of the dice, another possible here. Is it may be because as the years pass, some of us, we become not bothered one way or another, because we feel so much more secure within our selves and the rest of the world around us, our own being, where we stand and where we going, what we want, what we getting. And of course there is this other thingy, about ''I believe'' and ''I wish'', when the two become sort of mixed, along other possibilities.
I see these last thoughts, the reasons I don't think I will find love, as described in the beginning. See? Nothing to do with age but to do with years.
You know when life is generally speaking, good? Easy on your head, just rolling by.
I don't want to wait another 20 years, until I become an official pensioner, to start taking it easy. I have started already, the here and now, in all aspects of life. It does not mean that I lack targets and aspirations, or different kind of dreams. I can just be happy and feel content with less. And life, it feels good. There is better and worse, as ever. I am just looking at mine. Have I been a single man for so long, that the next best thing would be to find a remote cave on some mountain and start hugging trees?
In the end, I am not missing love, I don't feel like I have a need for it. ( Was I missing love or had a need for it, when I first fell in love? Ah, good question, so, don't ask. We'll be here all night. And probably the best answer, as for the best place to be, not looking and where you least expecting it...). Love, if it happens, great. If not, that is not great, but it's good, which is still not a bad thing. I believe in love, just not bothered about it. And you? You may not be single, or looking, or whatever, but your two cents are always welcome. Thanx for reading.
Oh look...a couple of jokes
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5 0 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out
to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very
highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name
of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
last night?"
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"WITZELSUCHT"
From Dorland's Illustrated Medical Dictionary, 26th edition.
witzelsucht (vit'sel-zoocht) [Ger.] "A Mental condition characteristic of frontal lobe lesions and marked by the making of poor jokes and puns and the telling of pointless stories, at which the patient himself is immensely amused."
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7
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Oi, Mr Valentine
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Posted:Feb 14, 2017 2:51 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:27 am
19909 Views
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If I am posting this now, and you are reading it...it means, we at least have one thing in common! What day is it today? Oops.
Happy valentines to all. As I am not in love, I do not celebrate this day, yet. I am sure when I am in love I will do my best, whatever the date might be. Everything feels better when you in love. Well anyway, that is my excuse and I am sticking by it! It's another way of saying I had no date tonight. Or mysterious postcard from someone. Must admit though did not expect for a date, or a postcard ha ha, so all good, around here. Still trying to learn how to dance zeibekiko, hard on a bouncy floor!
How many Greek love songs for Valentine's day can I think of? I would have to be here for days!
....The truth is that the list of Greek songs for love, passion, desire and everything between is endless, simply because Greek people are sentimental and not afraid to express their feelings to their fullest....adopted as anthems of our (or...all mine! ) small personal stories.....In love, we are all one....it must be that olive oil ha ah...enough said, but here is a quick pick. Eat this Mr Valentine!
Se thelo edo
...I want you here so I can
Have a person of my own
To talk to them in silence
Like I talk to myself
And to share in two
The stars, the colours, the minutes
Whatever happens, my heart
So I can love you
So I can hate you
With a glance to show you
Without talking
What I want to say....
--- ---
Matia mple
...Blue eyes of the summer
like two drops of the Aegean sea.
Blue eyes, at dusks
i remember them and cry.
Who is traveling in your eyes?
And who is awakening on your body?
Blue eyes, at your long journeys
I'll be here, I'll always be with you.
Blue eyes of the autumn
wrapped in rime.
Blue eyes, my heart
will always search for you...
--- ---
S'agapo
...The sun is rising from your eyes
In your eyes shine the stars
And your hands in my hands
Two terrified pigeons
I love you I love you I love you
This love is slowly killing me
I love you I love you I love you
This love is resurrecting me
Night approaches in your gaze
On your eyelashes the day fades
A word from you gives life to me
A word from you takes it away..
--- ---
It depends
What kind of dreams would you do
if I weren't by your side
and if the nights I wouldn't lay
my heart as your pillow
If I weren't your shadow
that never sleeps
What kind of dreams would you do
in a world that is not sympathetic (for you)
"It depends", you tell me, "It depends"
But what kind of dreams would you do
if I weren't your lust
and if I wouldn't light up at nights
like a fire to kill your fears
No jokes this time, I feel real emotional...
oh ok then,
OFFER MADE TO ADAM
God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a companion for man as well. He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, "What could I get for a rib?"
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I NOT COME WORK
Kung Chow called his boss and said: "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, leg hurt, I not come work."
The boss says: "Kung Chow I really need you today. When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later Kung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon. You got nice house.
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ENGLISH IS REALLY CRAZY
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
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9
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How did you pick your username?
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Posted:Feb 12, 2017 11:51 am
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2023 8:45 am
32360 Views
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When I first joined this place, ten years ago, I also had various memberships on other dating sites. ( those were my intensive dating days, what fun that was, and so much education! ). It was the usual drill, a few messages via the site, then a private mail addy exchange, few more messages, and finally on messenger, on camera, not naked (yet lol). That was what was happening, before deciding to go out for a date, or not. One time I was chatting to this woman, local to me, and her addy may have included, or not, ''shagrange'' at whatever.
After a few chats, I said: Well, I am in range, how about it? Her reply: You know my name is Sharon. Sharon Grange! Oops. I still think that her choice of letters on the addy was intentional. Or I was not her type. She could of added an r in there, or something. It's a common name, and the images at google do not show this woman, so no connection with any real person, but apologies if that's your real name.
I am thinking of the names we pick for our throw away e-mail addresses, or user names on sites ( I was even a prince something the 1st, somewhere ). And that brings me to usernames in here, and how or why they were chosen.
Mine, wanting to keep up with the Jones's at the time, it was ''greekdickinyou''! I know, I can be original, smart, and such an intellectual, at times! Challenged more like  . It was early days and I did change it soon afterward to my current one. Plus, I was just 43...young and immature!
How did you choose your username in here?
Has it got any connection to your real self, or is it all part of a fantasy? Part of the game? Maybe a mix of everything? Is it just what was on your head at the time, the next best available name, a hint of one of your traits? Is it who you are? Who you would of liked to be? What you want others to see you as? A name that someone used for you? Tell me tell me.
Oh no, more oldie goldie funnies
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
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How to make love
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well
creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat
steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and
after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
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23
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A voluntary detox
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Posted:Feb 7, 2017 3:11 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:27 am
20570 Views
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I smoke and I drink. Everything ! Well not everything, tobacco and some weed, and alcohol. For the last week I went in a voluntary detox, nothing to smoke and drink just water. Bear in mind I have been doing the smokes and drinks since the gran old age of 11! We did not have laws about been over 18 when I was erm... 11. And if we did have them, no one was applying them. I don't believe anything has changed. My compatriots are a very hard lot to govern. Here is a story about my people and how they were introduced to...potatoes.
'' After 400 years of Islamic Turkish occupation, Greeks revolted and in 1821 liberated a portion of the Greek empire which eventually became what we now know of as Greece. In 1828, when the first true national government was formed, it was under the direction of Ioannis Kapodistrias, who as “Governor of Greece” was head of the state and the government.
The way Kapodistrias introduced the cultivation of the potato remains famously anecdotal today. Having ordered a shipment of potatoes, at first he ordered that they be offered to anyone interested. However the potatoes were met with indifference by the population and the whole scheme seemed to be failing. Therefore Kapodistrias, knowing of the contemporary Greek attitudes, ( We are still like this, almost 200 years later ) ordered that the whole shipment of potatoes be unloaded in public display on the docks of Nafplion, and placed severe-looking guards guarding it. Soon, rumors circulated that for the potatoes to be so well guarded they had to be of great importance. People would gather to look at the so-important potatoes and soon some tried to steal them. The guards had been ordered in advance to turn a blind eye to such behavior, and soon the potatoes had all been “stolen” and Kapodistrias’ plan to introduce them to Greece had succeeded.
Greek cuisine is filled with potato recipes with perhaps the most common cooking method being drizzled with olive oil, sprinkled with oregano and lemon juice then open roasted.
My detox is coming to an end in a few days and I am happy I done it. Have you ever gone on a voluntary detox, and what was it for?
Want funnies? Oldie goldies, just like me ! Here you go !
THE BEST INDIAN RESTAURANT ALBUM IN THE WORLD...EVER!
DISC ONE:
1. Poppadum Preach - Madonna
2. Korma Chameleon - Culture Club
3. Bhaji Trousers - Madness
4. King Prawn Massala Drinks Are Free - Wham
5. Dansak Queen - Abba
6. Korma People - Pulp
7. Tikka Chance On Me - Abba
8. When I Phall in Love - Nat King Cole
9. You Can't Curry Love - Diana Ross and the Supremes
10. Korma Police - Radiohead
11. Things Can Only Get Bhuna - D:Ream
12. Tears On My Pilau - Kylie Minogue
13. It's Bhuna Hard Days Night - The Beatles
14. Brothers in Naans - Dire Straits
15. Girlfriend in a Korma - The Smiths
16. Pilau Talk - Doris Day
17. It's My Chapati and I Cry If I Want To - Dave Stewart/Barbara Gaskin
DISC TWO:
1. I'm a Bhaji Girl - Aqua
2. Sag Aloo - Black lace
3. Take That and Chapati - Take That
4. Bhuna Round The World and I Can't Find My Bhaji - Lisa Stansfield
5. I Don't Want To Dansak - Eddie Grant
6. Dansak on the Ceiling - Lionel Richie
7. We Are Jalfrezi - Sister Sledge
8. Vindaloo - Abba
9. I Don't Want to Go to Chutney - Elvis Costello
10. Rice Rice Baby - Vanilla Rice
11. Jalfrezi Jalfrezi Nights - Kiss
12. Tandoori Deliver - Adam and the Ants
13. Love me Tandoor - Elvis Presley
14. We Don't Have to Tikka Clothes Off - Jermaine Jackson
15. Bye Bye Balti - Bay City Rollers
16. Bhuna to be Wild - Steppenwolf
17. Livin' Dhal - Cliff Richard
18. Raita Here, Raita Now - Fatboy Slim
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TWO COWS AROUND THE WORLD
START WITH 2 COWS.......
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY:
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then
throws the milk away...
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and
the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of
four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped
dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever
cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have
lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you
have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for
storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you
have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and execute the newsman
who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a
Democracy....
WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go
for a few beers to celebrate
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The Government says you have to buy a license to milk
them, but first you have to do a risk assessment, which only the government
Quango is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5 times the cost of doing
it. They find that the three legged stool is a risk under health and
safety. You have to buy the EC approved 5 legged stool that is designed to
support a milk maid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool
exceeds EC weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos, which just happens
to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from one cow to the
other you therefore need a special (EC approved) trolley. The new stool and
trolley are so expensive that you have to mortgage one of the cows to pay
for them and pay for the mandatory training course you must take to get
your licence to milk the cows. You sell your milk to the supermarket chain
that pays you fuck all for it, and then they sell it to their customers for
four times what they payed you. Then they release a press statement about
how wonderful they are to support British Cows. The rest of the world thinks
your cows are mad butyou and your cows know that it is not true and anyway
the rest of the world have no intention of identifying and counting their mad
cows so people in other countries don't know their cows are really, really
barmy do they. You sell your cows to a Polish itinerant worker and your farm
to a Russian 'investment bank' and then you leave to buy a villa by the sea
in a country where it is sunny and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home.
They don't have a National Health Service.......but you are so happy and
relaxed your health improves and you live to be a hundred.
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14
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Passion education!
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Posted:Feb 5, 2017 7:47 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:52 am
19125 Views
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The other day I went in to cherimore's profile, to get some free bling, as all of mine, is ancient. When mine was done, it was painfully slow, dot by dot on the 40x40 size, and photoshop was not available to gold members then. Or I did not know about it been available at the time. Anyway, got in there, took what I wanted, and then I started wondering around all the links she has in there, about the history of this place, the then CEO, Andrew, later a co-runner with the people of the consortium it was sold to, and currently the CEO of Passion networks again. WOW ! What an interesting read ! I will admit now, it has changed my perspective of this place. I love it even more now. Really. So much so, that I invited my few friends from around the world to come and join me. If you have not been there, is definitely worth a visit. Here is the link if you are interested Standard can get all free bling through this topic and a bit of history. There are even links and advice for what to do as a standard member, to enhance your experience in here. How to create a nice profile, ( got one already, thanx Andrew ), contact others for the first time, what to expect, and generally how to have loads of fun in here, with or without a payed for membership. I think it should be made as a compulsory read, before anyone even edits and posts a profile! Andrew's blog especially. OK, I always knew this place is a business venture for the owners, and understandably, as such, they would do anything to try and get people to join up. I believe, in the past, customer services have let this man down. I am not having a rant about them, just speaking from my own experiences with them from long time ago. I don't know how they behave these days, and I hope I never need to contact them. That's all for now. Hope you are all still having a nice weekend. Mine is a bit el-crapo, but hey, it is what it is!
wanna laugh ?
Name three great kings who have brought happiness and peace
into peoples lives :
Smo-king
Drin-king
Fuc-king
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A guy was telling his mates in the bar, about tantric sex, and how much he was enjoying it.
I have even a favourite position, it is called the plumber. What is that his mates asked.
Oh nothing, he says. You just stay in all day and nobody comes!
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A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Asda in Dundee with
her two in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the
entrance.
The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Asda. Nice you've got there -- are
they twins?" The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:
"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7
Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you think they look alike, ya dickhead?"
"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!"
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An elderly Essex Lady called 999 to report that her car had been broken
into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator:
"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even
the accelerator!" she cried.
The Operator said, "Stay calm. A Police car is on the
way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard."He says.
"She got in the back-seat by mistake."
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Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the
96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get
as forgetful as you 2, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help
both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her,
"If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast suck him off, and send him off to work in a good mood.
At lunch, make him a warm nutritious meal suck him off, and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
For dinner, fix an especially nice meal and don't burden him with household chores. Then give him loads of sex, just how he likes it,
and satisfy his every whim.
On the way home, the husband asked the wife what the doctor had said to her. She replied,
"You're going to die."
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3
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Now I get it !
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Posted:Feb 3, 2017 2:00 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:26 am
18726 Views
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 ny
 enizen
 sing
 atest
 echniques
 orage
 andy
 nternet
 rotic
 aked
ates
ully
nterprets
asty
iseases
vidently
ecycle
So there you have it. Use a condom !
Some funnies
Q: How many animals can you fit into a
pair of pantyhose?
10 little piggy's,
2 calves,
1 ass,
and an unknown number of hares,
And of course one 1 . . .
Pussy
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Hearts and roses and kisses galore,
What the hell is all of that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass!
I'll spend the day so drunk that I just can't speak,
And wear only black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all sweet but it soon will fade,
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a big crock of shit!
So here is my story, what else can I say?
Love bites my ass... Fuck Valentine's Day!
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Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When I think of you
Ohhh baby I get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
Fuck me,
Very slowly,
if you kiss me,
don't be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!
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6
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Sex in strange places
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Posted:Feb 2, 2017 7:24 am
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:26 am
19236 Views
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When I was 17, I was seeing an English divorced woman twice my age. We lived together ( in Myconos, of course! ) while she would spend all summer in Greece, apart from when her aged 13 and 3, visited. At winter time she would move back to England, and only fly over for short breaks. At some point we decided that it would be nice if I visited her for once. She had access to one of her friends empty flat, so I could stay there for a week or two, as she was living with her , but our 'story' was a secret from them. I was living away from home at the time, in an Athens hotel. When I left to go and visit her, I had no alternative but take all my stuff with me. You know, all your life in a case kind of thing. Along with all my possessions were her saucy letters as well. In one of them she had mentioned that if I ever got to England she would help me find a job, if I wanted to stay. I had no intention to do that, I was just visiting to see her, planning to return after a couple of weeks. I had already traveled to England a couple of years earlier, to join a merchant navy ship. That time I had a company letter with me, saying I was there to go and join that boat. I was waived through immigration and send on my way, without any problems.
After paying for my ticket, I had very little pocket money for my visit. There I was, a young boy in Heathrow airport with my 100£ pocket money, and no company letter for the immigration this time. Immigration in England thought they smelled a rat, they thought I was trying to escape national service. They started shifting through my stuff, and found her letters! I remember watching them all gather around, I could tell they were enjoying what they were reading. At some point they noticed her comment about helping me find work. That made their minds up and they decided to refuse me entry. I was stuck in a near by detention center, Harmondsworth, a place with paper blankets and sheets in the rooms, and their plan was to put me back on the next flight home. I was allowed friends visits, so she came along with a few newspapers and mags and what have you. We were shown in the visiting room, an L shaped room with tinted glass on the door, no lock, no cameras, and a guard walking about, outside. We sat in the corner away from the door. I had not seen her for a few weeks, and naturally our hands were all over each other. Soon she was sucking my cock, and a bit later she straddled me on the chair, and we did it there and then, with the guard outside! Talk about safe sex! In the end, I was allowed to stay indefinitely the next day, as she knew some people very high up in government. I have done it on a boat engine room in New Orleans, a club toilet in Sri Lanca, top of a flat roof building in Athens, the kitchen in one of my army camps in Cyprus ( I was just the chef but at night time I was the commander as I could bring in visitors ), high rise office by the window in Athens, a trains toilet en route to Athens, someones balcony at a party in Athens, the old Arsenal football ground in Highbury, London, while I had a job in there, on a sofa with my girlfriend's parents upstairs in Volos, Greece, a building site in Ireland when my ex visited, on a motor bike in Myconos, but the guarded detention center in Harmondsworth, London, is still the strangest place I ever had sex.
Larfs bellow
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...
Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?
Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant:
Weight?
Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant:
Colour of eyes?
Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant:
Colour of hair?
Husband:
Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t
remember.
Sergeant:
What was she wearing?
Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know
exactly.
Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?
Husband:
She went in my truck.
Sergeant:
What kind of truck was it?
Husband:
A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special
ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air
conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which
has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and
"Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special
wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver,
23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power
outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has
custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up...
Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.
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Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
he gets weak in the knees,
And he begins to think totally irrationally.
Ever stop to wonder why?
Well
It's because she smells like a new car
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What Women Want in a Man?
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
Revised List (age 42):
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady ” splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
Revised List (age 52):
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
Revised List (age 62):
1. Doesn't scare small
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why hes laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that its the weekend
Revised List (age 72):
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
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9
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Joe Public strikes again
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Posted:Feb 1, 2017 7:55 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2023 3:52 am
19096 Views
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Please sign My guestbook
Have a look at My profile for standard members
Tell me a secret or send me a message at Private messages
My new word meanings for this place new words and meanings
What happens when I have too much time on my hands The AFF song
My first and last attempt to erotica My 1st sexy encounter
Blast from the past ( a funny story )From the diary
Ok I fess up. This is one of my posts from ages ago, but somehow, I think, it will always be current for this place. It is the same as the blast from the past link above, but without the old comments. I hope you enjoy it.
From the diary...of Joe Public, part 1....
Joe public, a fake, a man, joins the ...as if Passion. Well it could be Jan Publique, or Jon Van Der Publikk, Ivan Publicovski, Joshua Publicshteinberg, Jose Elpublico, Jan Publicincintas, Gianis Publicopoulopoulos, or any other .
This is an imaginary post, and all names, places and events were changed. Also no wild life squirrels were hurt during posting, no carbon footprint was recorded at all as we had to sell the footprint recorder last week to get a piece of stale bread and it all complies with current health and safety regulations.
There I was just browsing the net as usual when this pop up ...errm popped up. Get laid it said ! Hook up with a local hotie tonight. As I was watching a footie game, I was already quite turned on, so I did not hesitate to click on the '' join up for free '' button of the pop up.
This took me to a strange page, where my credit card details were required, I found this strange as I remembered the pop up said ' join up for free ' but, as I said I was quite horny already. So after a short process I was a full gold member. Now, what do we have here, edit your profile it says, so I click on that to start with. Me been a smoker and having rotten teeth, and also been totally bold, I thought it would be a great idea to name myself '' long haired lovely smile '' . I managed to upload a picture of my cock too, while still editing my profile, so I would not miss out on the local hotie, later on .
Well it was not mine, I downloaded it from the net and photo shopped it on my body, like everyone else does ! I did the same with my profile picture, although this time I photo shopped someone else's face on to someone else's body, as I would only conduct meetings in dark dingy alleyways, wearing a hat and rarely smiling, and no one would ever notice.
I subtracted a few pounds from my weight and a few years off my age and added them up as inches to my height and manhood !
Then on with the profile details editing .
I wanted to be different, shine out from the rest of them, so I started typing.......I am a tall man looking for loads of fun. I like going out and also like staying in. I enjoy food and drink, going to the cinema, and having fun with friends. I play footie every Saturday. (Ha, I felt special and different already and I did not mention that the footie was played on my PS for hours on end, from the comfort of my sofa...)
I like to keep fit and eat healthy. ( Again no mention of the sport I play from my sofa, or the cheese and onion crisps diet, after all onion is a vegetable ... )
I was sure that would stand out !
I also fished out of my pictures a photo from years ago, of me swimming with dolphins. So I thought it apt to fill in my profession as a dolphin trainer.
After a while I had my profile approved and was able to conduct a search and send messages !
The first woman that came up on my search was named '' never fuck me '' so I thought I would message her. She mentioned that she liked women only and said on her profile '' no men '' and '' no dick pictures '' so I thought I would send her a pic of my member, just to wake up her confused feelings. Then I thought hard about writing something witty and original so I settled for ''hey babe, I had a look at your profile and liked it. Shall we fuck later on tonite ? '' I was certain that she would be pleasantly surprised from my ability to express my deepest thoughts and individuality !
I kind of liked that message so I copied and pasted it and send it to another 375 profiles on that day. Now all I had to do was sit back and wait for my in box to fill up.
Then I made a blog and inventively named it...'' my blog '' I copied and pasted some material from the net again and posted it in there.
The next day I eagerly looked at my in box. There were many messages in there. One said fuck off dick head. Another one said Go fuck yourself saddo. I started to feel good, enjoying all that sexual innuendo, hidden in those replies. Obviously they all wanted to have sex with me, hence including the word '' fuck '' in their replies...
Some women had even tried to disguise their hot feelings for me by naming their reply as an auto reply but that was not going to deter me, I could read the hidden message in there and how mad they were to meet me. I kept messaging those ones for weeks later and they always send me back the same message, always called an auto reply for some reason, but I knew they were just playing hard to get.
Disclaimer : As mentioned above there is absolutely no connection with any characters or events described above with anyone you may know from real life, or this site ( ? ) ...but the really scary thought is that I actually knew someone like that a few years ago, in real life. He was just a member on some other website so you lot are safe for now....or are you ?
Although I thought of him when I wrote this I am sure that there are women like him out there....
Thank you for reading, and have a happy, amazing February
And here are a few more jokes
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says, 'Hello'.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my .'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?'
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your 's maths teacher.'
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The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: "I have some good news and, I have some bad news”.
The tycoon replies: "I’ve had an awful day, let's hear the good news first”.
The lawyer says: “Your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures today that she figures are worth a minimum of $2 million”.
The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done, very good news indeed! You've just made my day! now what’s the bad news?”
The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you screwing your secretary”.
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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. Then it happened again.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, 'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?'
'I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'
The woman nodded, 'Pepper.’
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Letter to a men's helpline...
Hi Bob,
I really need your advice on a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyways, last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and
slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?
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If you were...
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Posted:Jan 30, 2017 1:09 pm
Last Updated:Feb 2, 2023 4:26 am
17333 Views
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Not where you are now, where would you like to be ?
My choice is
After finishing my quick stint on the merchant navy, I went there for work, aged 19. What a place to work ! First I was a waiter in a seaside taverna, for a couple of years. Then left the tavernas and went into what I do today for a living, for another few years. After that I just went for holidays, married with for the next 25 years, until it became unaffordable. Or I just became poorer.  The Greeks say, the Aegean islands were the Gods playground, if you ever been you would know what I mean. Anyway, if I was not stuck in grey London, I would love to be in Myconos. How about you ?
Tell me a place, a story that connect's you with it.....pretty pleeeease?
Please sign My guestbook
Have a look at My profile for standard members
Tell me a secret or send me a message at Private messages
My new word meanings for this place new words and meanings
What happens when I have too much time on my hands The AFF song
My first and last attempt to erotica My 1st sexy encounter
Blast from the past ( a funny story )From the diary
Aha! some fun
How did the 7 dwarves get their names ?
Miss Snow White was a randy cow,
And desperate for a fuck,
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck.
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage,
And went in for a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven dwarves came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven,
Originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
My fanny needs a lick!
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said -You'd better drop your pick.
So down he went onto all fours,
And said -I ain't licking that-,
Not there, that is my arse-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!-
The next dwarf started blushing,
Do we have to do it here?-
Snow White said -Don't be BASHFUL,
Unless you're a fucking queer-
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big -Heigh-Ho-.
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling.
Cos he hadn't had a sniff,
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.
Relax- you GRUMPY bastard-,
So he did as he was told,
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fuckin load.
The next dwarf got a blow-job,
And she took him deep quite easy,
But she just avoided brain-damage,
When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
You're next, I want your knob!-
But no sooner had he entered her,
he was sleeping on the job.
Wake up you SLEEPY bastard-
She wanted more from him.
he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw,
A dazed Snow White then whimpered.
That should be against the law.-
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big dick-
With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said -You'll have to use your tongue,
My twat can't take no more!-
So he put his tongue to work,
Where others had placed their cocks,
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last one DOC.
So there's the truth about the dwarves,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying Miss Snow White,
And joining in her naughty games !!
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A WOMAN'S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One
who's handsome, smart and strong.? One who loves to listen long, One who
thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks.? I pray
he's rich and self-employed, And when I spend, won't be annoyed.? Pull
out my chair and hold my hand.? Massage my feet and help me stand.? Oh
send a king to make me queen.? A man who loves to cook and clean.? I
pray this man will love no other.? And relish visits with my mother. ?
A MAN'S POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big tits who owns a bar
on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
---------------------------------
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''
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Aussie Radio Helpline
Radio - "G'day mate, Aussie Helpline...What's the problem cobber?"
Caller - "I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."
Radio - "Bummer mate!"
Caller - "Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that, Bye."
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To link to this blog (greekphilosopher) use [blog greekphilosopher] in your messages.
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