Do you really know what you are seeking in a D/s lifestyle?
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Posted:May 2, 2020 10:54 am
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2020 12:13 pm
2106 Views
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Over past years, I have met way many women that are very unhappy with their situation because their interests conflict with their Partner's interests. This is a recipe for disaster, especially if you are going SUBMIT to someone. You do not want be in a position of vulnerability to someone you do not agree with on the more important matters in life. Even if you start out playing casually! Because once the feelings develop, they are VERY hard get rid of! I hope that this blog will make some Doms rethink their relations with some of their subs. This might very well be the reason why some pets/subs/slaves act like they do and makes you feel there is a growing gap between both of you. Realize that these submissives often dare not talk about this problem because after all they are subs, and if there is no real trust any more they dare not speak their minds any more. Everybody has a right on happiness in lets help each other archive that, everyone is different and has different needs.
All too often, a sub will go with a Master or Mistress after little more than the most cursory conversation. This is a recipe for disaster, both mental and physical.
* Communication . Communication between a Dom and sub must be open, honest and without fear or retribution. How else does a Dom know what your limits are?
* Honesty . Be honest about yourself and your desires, fears and situation. Little lies can cause big trouble later on.
* Patience . It may take time to find the right person, but the rewards are worth the wait. Impatient subs can end up in the hospital.
* Safety. You must protect yourself. This means safe words and safe calls, among other things. Any Dom who says they are not necessary should be avoided at all costs. For more details, see Safety First.
* Trust. A sub must trust his or her Dom. This is the basis of the relationship. Without trust, there is nothing.
Some of my feelings and thoughts:
The Dominant...
Above all else they cherish their submissive, in the knowledge that the gifts they give is the greatest of all. They are demanding and take full advantage of the power given to them, but know how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious .
They are in control of oneself first and foremost, so that they may control others. As a stern and demanding Dominant, they can cause their sub to cry real tears. As the consummate lover, they will then kiss the tears away, without ever stepping out of character.
In times of trouble, a Dominant will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between caring individuals. They are quick understand the differences between fantasy and reality. They would never ask a submissive to put them before their career, or family, just satisfy their own pleasure.
To win a submissives mind, body and soul; they know they must first win their trust. They will show their submissive humor, kindness, and warmth. They must also show them that their guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of their attention, that this is a person they can learn from, and trust their direction.
They are romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, they will fight for their ladies honor. They prove to them that they are someone they can lean on, and depend on.
They are old fashioned enough be a bit of a chauvinist, yet modern enough to respect them. Quick to point out the differences between them, they also know there is no inferiority in those differences.
When it comes time to teach their submissive their lessons of obedience, they are a strong and unyielding professor. They will accept no flaw, nothing less than perfection from their student. Never do they use discipline without good reason. When they do, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.
They are a careful guide, with safety always his main concern. They know how to use pain to extend the bounds of pleasure. They are a mentor who can bring them to the edges of their envelope, and gently show them the inner courage to reach new heights.
They are always open to communicate and discussions, always ready to hear their wants and needs. They are patient, taking the time to learn their limits, and knowing that as their trust of her Master/Mistress grows, so will they.
They never have to demand ritual behavior by them. They respond to them out the want of pleasing their Master/Mistress. Compliance comes from the wanting to please, not the fear of punishment. They understand the fragile nature of mind and body, and never violate the trust given to them.
They are secure enough to laugh at oneself and the absurdities of life, courageous enough to accept assistance. Open minded enough to learn new things, strong enough to grow. Their tools are mind, body, spirit and soul with a little help from rope, paddle and blindfold. They understand that each partner gains most from pleasuring the other. And both of them know that love is the only binding that truly holds.
The Illusion.
The Illusion is that the Dom is in control. In reality the sub only gives the control they allow. The sub is truly in control and in that gains the pleasure they seek, Knowing that the person they give the power is also obtaining enjoyment. Knowing that they are the focus of the attention, the sub may seem be subservient to the Dom but in doing so gains the gratification by their actions. Truly a Good Master/Mistress is fulfilling the desires of the sub by understanding what the sub enjoys and tries fulfill those desires, and in doing so also gains the satisfaction of being served.
Most subs desire do the things they are afraid do, and gives the control another relieve them of the restraint of their social bonds. This is where open communications is key. For the Dom understand what pleasures their sub’s desires, and take the constraints off by ordering submission do what they are afraid .
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It takes work being a GOOD Dom
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Posted:May 2, 2020 10:42 am
Last Updated:May 2, 2020 10:55 am
1580 Views
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Submissives and slaves yearning for the Dominant that they can freely give unto can take allot of time. It can take time to find a Dom that a sub can build the trust required. The gift a sub gives is not something that can be taken but must be earned. A Dom understands what is offered freely cannot be taken without honesty, trust and caring. Finding a real Dom, not an insecure person wanting to prove their own self worth by trying to take something without earning it, can be a journey through many so called dominants. These so called doms that think that a submissive can be controlled or ordered to comply without first receiving the subs consent are not True Doms. A true Dom is not an abusive control freak but an intelligent, insightful and nurturing person.
The true Dominant understands the gifts a submissive / slave offer are treasures to be appreciated and cherished. Providing the means and opportunity to give something as valuable as oneself, takes understanding. To freely offer submission to another based on integrity, trust and a desire to serve another is not taken but wholeheartedly offered freely.
A True Dom cannot take control, it has to be earned and generously offered. Doms that believe they can force or take control without earning it are under the delusion that the Dom is the important person and the sub is there only to bend to their will. It is truly the opposite, in that a True Dom knows that their position is to provide a safe and secure environment and ensure that any sub has the opportunity to freely give of themselves because they desire to do so. A true Dom understands the desires of the sub and provides what they see give guidance and order chaos, provide the freedom from having decide every little choice with structure and discipline and the gratification of praise and reward for pleasing. serve another that they deeply desire please, because knowing they are respected for their servitude and their devotion their Dom.
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Know what you seek in a D/s life
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Posted:May 2, 2020 10:30 am
Last Updated:May 2, 2020 10:35 am
1295 Views
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There are allot of people that desire a 24/7 lifestyle. Many do not take the time understanding the whole psychological aspect and the work that is involved in keeping the D/s environment stimulating, and not slipping into a rut. It does take more work fostering stimulating conditions. Developing a great reward system and keeping new and exciting explorations into daily life. It does takes a bit of work and effort by a good Dom. Not taking even the smallest activity for granted or overlooked is the Doms responsibility. A simple thank you or acknowledgement of successful completion of all tasks can be so gratifying to your sub. Knowing that what they are doing is noticed and your approval is what they often crave.
In so many relationships, small things are taken for granted and then become disappointing for the person performing the tas This can be the start of the rut. Just the smallest thing can be recognized and a simple “good girl” can make such a difference and the rewards are innumerable. Every task a sub performs is undertaken because they wish please their Dom. Everything from a full dinner making a sandwich or bringing you a beverage should be acknowledged. A Doms job is value what their sub is doing for them. This in return will provide the simple pleasure and respect in the relationship.
Making plans or a schedule for special evenings can be exciting. Having the sub dress in a sexy outfit and meet you at the door in the French maid outfit or randy bar maid, can be what your makes your sub enthusiastic with anticipation for your approval. The Doms appreciation and pleasure is why the sub is doing this and should be recognized and valued no matter what. Meeting you and presenting themselves upon your arrival and your praise is what they crave. Make each day rewarding and this in turn will bring many great returns for all.
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