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| Blogs > bipolybabe69 > "..yes I said yes I will Yes." |
If not chemistry, then what?
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If not chemistry, then what? What if it's not..."chemistry"? What if great first-time sex means a willingness to be attentive, appreciative and generous? To consider this question, let's examine my experiences at Plush Parties' "Spring Fling" last weekend in Phoenix. I had lotsa fun since I met up with my sexy unicorn gal pals, the two single women I met at last year's Sin City 5 in Las Vegas. For the Saturday night party theme of "Candyland," we dressed up in candy colors and, well, sucked.  I'm not a big time party girl. Hanging out in large groups and making cocktail party chat, even when it's about sex, makes me tired. I prefer one-on-one, so I set up a bunch of dates with local guys to entertain myself during my stay. Now...here's an embarrassing confession. I have chided many a man for "thinking with your dick" when he sends me an email with the trite "You're gorgeous" except he writes, "your gorgeous," which irritates the shit out of me. Bad grammar AND he's just looking at a picture, hasn't read my profile and can't engage me in conversation!!! Ahem, MY embarrassing admission = I am just as superficial as those men. I search for "long and extra long, thick and extra thick" dicks when I travel with sex-pectations. Then, I will write to those men whose photos and profiles appeal to me. I wrote to half a dozen on this site in advance of my visit to Phoenix. I talked by phone with three of them. I decided I'd like to meet them all. My friend Robyn worked hard as my "PDA" (Personal Dating Assistant) to help me remember their names and assignation times. Upon meeting, I said "yes" to one purely on superficial criteria: handsome, black, former pro football player whose big dick photo I'd seen. Then, he spent more time fucking Robyn, my lesbian girlfriend (okay, she's occasionally "hetero-flexible"), because that's a bucket list item for most straight guys: "Hey, I fucked a lesbian and she liked it." After that, I retracted my invitation for the next night because Robyn didn't want him again and I don't need to fuck around with a guy who doesn't see me. And really wants to fuck my friend just cuz she's a lesbian! Then, I said "no thanks" to another guy because he didn't have "chat," the ability to inspire sexual thoughts either by his presence, words or topics. My PDA (Robyn) was very helpful in smoothing out his exit. She was softer in the delivery than the swift boot in the backside I intended. Finally I said a "HELL YES" to Mr. Quietly Confident who talked to me in the bar for TWO HOURS at 3 pm before we decided to "get a room." He demonstrated conversational ability and, most importantly, HE SAID HE LIKED ME, liked being with me and liked talking to me. He politely declined a 3 or 4-some with my gal pals and me. When I said I was stunned by his dick pic, he said, "It's mostly the camera angle." It wasn't. Mr. Quietly Confident just wanted to be with me.* That's why he got a room for the two of us. He didn't particularly want my gal pals walking in. While we were having sex, he told me exactly the features of my body he appreciated. I consider myself a sexually confident woman, but, especially, the first time I take my clothes off, I appreciate hearing: "I love the curve of your waist."* "You've got great tits." (I dislike the word "tits" but I appreciated the sentiment.)* and the all-time winner... "You're so incredibly sexy!"* Hearing those things helped me shred the barriers that I build to keep myself safe and emotionally disconnected while having sex with someone new.* I looked him in the eye as he licked my pussy while fingering my G-spot, making the adjustments I requested, ready to stay down there for as long as I liked, until I squirted all over his face. Then, he said, "Oh My God, that's so hot!" So, if there are any men out there reading, here's my point: She will like you IF YOU LIKE HER, tell her so and then demonstrate it by being attentive to her. I appreciate that I'm singin' to the choir here. The lovely men who read this blog are, by habit of reading about women's opinions on sex, attuned. I wish I could spread this gospel: Pay attention to her, which means listening to what she says, and she will like you and want to fuck you. And, if she's a sexual gourmand like me, she will happily belly up to the buffet for a second round if you've been attentive to her desires. Which I did. Round Two the next morning was equally delightful. I'd go eat in that restaurant frequently if I didn't have to travel to Phoenix to do so. * NOTE: Mr Quietly Confident applied salve to the places where I'm raw after a year of off-and-on with The Unavailable Guy who never told me what he liked about my body or my person and seemed to savor the other women in our swinger experiments more than he did me. So, maybe I'm especially needy here. Nope. Honestly, I think I'm like most women who just want to be adored and appreciated. Authentically. It doesn't have to be forever. It just needs to be real in the moment. My advice = ADORE HER. OUT LOUD. Am I wrong about that? Next, I'm going to see if I can interview a couple guys about what they think makes great first-time sex for them. Maybe it's waaaay different than what works for me. {=}{=}{=} BiPolyBabe69 aka Angie |
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The beautiful people were in Phoenix?I hope the local preta porte didn't get in anyone's way and were courteous at best! Using more than all the road!
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I couldn't agree more and I love your phrasing, "it just needs to be real in the moment!" So many MANY men, especially in the lifestyle, seem to think that saying what they like about a woman is tantamount to saying they want an exclusive relationship... or they think that's how it'll be received.
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This is a great post and I'm glad you were able to find someone who appreciated you for being you. If that makes and sense? *S* Don't you feel as though all people like to be stroked with those positive phrases. All women need to be told they are sexy. I'm sure he was surprised by your squirting, but how he was turned on, really says a great deal about his sexual appetite toward you. I'm glad you got your boat rocked. I hope you write about your upcoming interview with the men about first time sex. Enjoy it all. Bud Always Ready for Fun.
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3 words.... GREAT POST ANGIE
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