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FWB Without The
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FWB Without The The first time I slept with "J" in 2010, I immediately judged myself for being excited about it. “Shut it down. You don’t want a relationship right now,” I thought to myself. After all, I was in my final year of grad school and in the thick of hell with research papers, a clinical internship, and working full-time. Not to mention being a single parent to my two . Unfortunately, what we want and how we feel don’t always see eye-to-eye. I decided to try something new: to allow myself to have feelings without judging them. I felt that the distance factor (he lives 8 hours away) would make it easier to justify it as a "FWB" relationship. Over the years we've managed to get together a couple of times a year. Each subsequent time, I felt the friendship aspect of the relationship increasing but the sparks I once had for him sexually have faded. Cue "J's" most recent visit this weekend. Here I sit, after his departure lamenting my lack of libido for a man who has been such a good friend and judging myself for this lump in my throat, wondering how it is possible to feel both sad and disappointed at something that never was. In the past, my mistake had been centered around letting the other person decide and pretending to be okay with whatever that decision was. I didn’t want to do that this time. I realized the source of my inner conflict: knowing that I probably should, but don't want to walk away from the friendship. It's not the inner conflict I feel for "J" as a friend, but mainly the future "benefits" aspect to our relationship. Herein lies the conundrum. So how do you know when a FWB relationship has run its course? If you've experienced a similar predicament, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Would you be more inclined to walk away completely or would you be able to salvage a platonic "friendship only" aspect to the relationship? |
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the KEY word is FRIEND... an do you want the friendship you built with him??? If you do an its truly a friendship an not just sex to either of you, he deserves a chance to make the decision with you... isnt fair you just walk away without talking to him... so many people lost the meaning of friends today.. an if you can just walk away it from a friend, it shows how little one thinks of thier friendship... after talking if he is truly a friend he wont want to lose you or give up his friend... so its all how YOU feel an what you want... but if you want him as the friend yu have grown to know, he deserves a say in things also.. if he says NO, you can walk away then knowing its best for you
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Talk to him and see how he feels. You may find you get the benefit of keeping your friend. If it's not meant to be at least he will know why you are pulling away and won't be left in the dark. Pagan  Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!
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I've never felt the loss of sexual attraction for a fwb... most have simply run their course until one or the other of us entered into a more monogamous relationship with another. I'm of the belief that fwb relationships require both a level of friendship AND a level of benefits to successfully work and that the loss of one or the other makes the relationship unsustainable.
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With that distance and being often, I'm surprised that you last that long. Do you, two, talk about the relationship? How does he react when seeing you? Is the relationship is fun or just work? can he live with being just friends? How often you talk on phone and text each other? I had few FWBs that just fade off.  Cum to my blog and respond.  Have a great kissing fun time. 
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With that distance and being often, I'm surprised that you last that long. Do you, two, talk about the relationship? How does he react when seeing you? Is the relationship is fun or just work? can he live with being just friends? How often you talk on phone and text each other? Where you want to go with this relationship? I had few FWBs that just fade off. Cum to my blog and respond. Have a great kissing fun time.
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I have been on both sides of this. It's simply there's two people in this and each might have different feeling about the benefit side of this. It could easily have been the other way around on this. So i have found that if both sides feel that the benefit thing isn't working then possibly a friendship can be maintained.. Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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I would think it wouldn't be to difficult to continue being friends but it may be better done from a distance depending on how he feels about the situation. The nice thing about distance is the emotions are a little easier to keep in check if for instance he has an emotional attachment to you. You must have some idea how he feels about the relationship. Vive La Difference
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As long as you have not hurt each other you should be able to maintain a friendship. Of course if you haven't yet discussed it with him, that transition itself might hurt him. But if it doesn't hurt him then I believe this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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I think with the right person it is possible to retain a friendship without the "B". It all depends on the circumstances and the personalities involved. From what you describe, I see a good chance for you and "J". I am confident that you will find your solution. Best of luck!
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Based on my limited experience I think it is easy to tell when its over! She cursed me and told me to never contact her again!!! LMFAO!!!! Of course, she had told me before we became involved that she was terrible at breakups. And I did become too attached! So, when her hubby came back from overseas and she moved with him to his new assignment I figured it was over as we had talked about. I found a new friend to see. She came back to town since her children were still in school locally and wanted to meet. THEN, she asked how long it had been since I was intimate! I NEVER lie! LOL! She did not like my answer! Otherwise, I always try to have an intimate relationship with someone I want as a friend anyway! So, the hope is that if we get to a point the intimacy ends we are still good friends. One out of a few isn't too bad of odds!  LMAO Hugs
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6/1/2016 7:35 pm |
I am certainly no expert hon...having only had one such type of relationship like that in the past. However, it did become very similar although the time frame wasn't as long either. I came clean with her a la "honesty is the best policy." And for a while it worked as she felt the same way or stronger than I did...she didn't want to disappoint ME and therefore destroy the friendship bond. Unfortunately, the friendship did take a turn and wile I still communicate with her, it isn't nearly as much back and forth as it used to be and the "distance" seems to be growing each month.
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I think you're getting sound and thoughtful feedback on this and I sure can't improve on the previous comments. So, I'll just leave a hug.  Good luck, Myelin! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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So I am just reading you blog. What I think I am reading is that J is attracted to towards you and is happy to see you in the bedroom. You on the other hand enjoy his company outside of the bedroom. But inside the bedroom, dont feel attraction. Is it just towards him or or in general ? If its him, find yourself a new FWB . if its in general then may be you want to just take a break from sex In any case you want to talk to him and be upfront with him. The worst thing you can do is lose the friendship part if not sort this out. You dont want to "disappoint" him after the 8 hour 1 way trip Hope this helps
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I've totally been in this situation...and it was totally awkward. I blame myself because I had a really hard time speaking up about it. After all, it was my great teacher G and for years we had serious sparks and amazing encounters. For a long time I thought it was all me. And then a mutual friend remarked on some changes that G had gone through and I realized it wasn't just my lack of libido. That helped me speak up. I miss him tremendously as a friend. Oh, we didn't stop being friends over this. He was quite understanding. Life has just gotten in the way for both of us. And he rarely travels down here anymore. We were never the text/e-mail type so it's been 9 months or so since we've seen each other. The one thing I know is that the only chance it has to work out is to speak up and be honest. But then you already know that too! xoxo Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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If there are no issues between you two, then I don't see any reason to walk away completely. I am faced with a similar situation, albeit a little different. I have a friend that is only 6 hours away (not  , and I have noticed a reduction in her libido towards me. However, there is some evidence that indicates that it is not her libido in general, just towards me. That's okay as far as I am concerned. When I first started to communicate with her, I didn't think anything would come of it. After all, she was 6 hours away! So when we first started to talk, I wasn't trying to get into her panties at all. So our relationship actually started as friendship. I finally made the trip out there to see her because she was going to do something for her 40th birthday and I volunteered to be a photographer for it. Due to some weather related issues it wound up being cancelled. Well, one thing led to another.......... After that we got together a few times a year. The number of times we got together ebbed and flowed depending on our individual situations, but in general it was 4-5 times a year. Until semi-recently. Something clicked and we started down the road you seem to be going down. We still get along wonderfully though. And it is refreshing to spend time with someone that you don't have to worry about being naked in front of. Or someone you can gently kiss or hug if either of you feels the need or desire. Or just lay down next to in bed or on the couch. A Friend With benefits. Little "b". I feel like I'm rambling a little bit. But I guess that is what some blog's and blog responses do. It sounds like your FWB (capital has run it's course. But there is no reason to not still be friends. It sounds like he has several former partners that are still his friends, so one would think hope that he could maintain a good friendship with you as well. If you desire it.
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I tend to look to make friends first and connect with the lady I'm with. That way if the physical part dies out after the newness fades. There is still a chance to gain a friend through the experience that you shared.
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I recently met up with an old girlfriend and we had a great weekend together just as friends - no benefits but a lot of affection. I had one medium-distance Fwb that backed out of our friendship because it took too much "emotional energy" (her words). I could certainly understand her feelings, although I missed her as a friend. One reason she was my friend was because she was true to herself and honest about her feelings.
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6/22/2016 7:55 pm |
I guess it depends on ur sex drives...has either of you changed physically? Best of luck to you!
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