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| Blogs > rm_bella_ > Confessions Of An Italian |
Home Again
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Home Again I have always called this place home. This has always been my little private spot where I could allow myself to feel all of the happiness and the hurt. It was a place that I sometimes forgot I shared with those who understood and misunderstood my heart and my soul through letters and numbers, photos and phrases…this hidden little spot I called home. And today I truly find myself home once again even though home does not look as it did when I left. There are many different faces in my old home graced with the those whom I called family. The tone of what I once knew as blogland I do not see since I was last here. Times change and people change….and for those that haven’t and are still here….I am thrilled. I left abruptly in winter 2005 without as much as a goodbye for reasons that I will not write about yet other than say it was an entanglement with a man from this site and a rollercoaster of changes I was making for the good of a relationship that played me for many months. Career changes, relocations, a slight problem with prescription drugs became so overwhelming that I now realize I was thinking less than logically. I remember being at work that day, turning off my phone and deleting each blog one by one. Five hours of pressing delete for the good of a relationship, a cover up of all that I am, all of my thoughts, my actions….the deletion of my true self uncensored . Regrets. I regret the abolishment of my basement, my heart, my soul, my sorrows and my laughter…today I can honestly say I was wrong. For the most part, my experiences blogging have been wonderful. Many nights alone in my bedroom, in front of my laptop laughing as though my friends had surrounded me. Blogging filled emptiness and loneliness much of the time and it allowed me to think out all that I was going though,had gone though and even some of what I continue to deal with. My friends surrounded me as I wrote my hearts contents good and bad, beautiful and ugly. And then again some of my blogging experiences have ranged from hateful to just pure mean. In blogland I learned to take the good with the bad and blog on in my personal little space that belonged to me and only me. I have been hurt terribly on this site at a time when I finally believed I could trust. In the same breath I hurt someone which I greatly regret to this day but not only because I have no way of saying I’m sorry. It is true what they say…what comes around goes around and in this sense I deserved what eventually happened to me. Karma…karma kicked my ass and I realize this today. I realize that for many things in my past and my present nobody is to blame but myself. Today I think more clearly even though I am still plagued with mistakes. All I have always said and thought, and even written were in the name of my heart, my desires and my dreams. I am not perfect, I have not become perfect….I am just me…plain and simple…take me or leave me as I am. So today I will blog. To whomever reads me, if anyone, I say thank you for stopping by. There is much about me that many of you don’t know. There is much about me that many of you know well…..there is so much about me that it still hidden and pent up deep within where nobody can see or reach, not even myself. My bloggy basement still resides on my pc in a file called “blogs” deep in the depth of a file on the C: drive called taxes, as are my "private" photos. Maybe here and maybe there, now and then, a post from my dusty past not much different from my present or even future. To repost or not to repost…we’ll see. If I am writing tonight it is only because of some encouragement from my old friend (blog keithcancook). Tonight’s blog is brought to you by Keith….a dedication of sorts….( I love the sentimental). Hi. My name is bella_ and welcome to my blog.  |
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7/5/2007 8:49 pm |
Hello Bella!! Wow...I have thought you had been lost forever. Last I heard from you was a phone call a long long time ago...and a missed opportunity to meet! Hope your msn is still the same. I still have it on my addy list..hopeing secretly that you had not really disappeared. It appears I was right... you had just had an adventure for awhile. Welcome back sweety... btw..I still have your panties..heheh..(just kidding). Check your old hot mail account..you might just see a note there 
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Holy Smokes girl! Welcome back to blogville! Pan  Teenagers are god's punishment for having sex!! Pan 
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7/5/2007 9:53 pm |
oh katey!!!! you remembered too!!!!! you are the super bestest ever (kt knows where to send them too  )
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7/5/2007 10:23 pm |
Bella, Great to see you back. Good luck in your newest adventures and put it all behind you. Look forward, look ahead.
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All I have always said and thought, and even written were in the name of my heart, my desires and my dreams. I am not perfect, I have not become perfect….I am just me…plain and simple…take me or leave me as I am. That is part of your charm, my dear. Welcome back to BlogLand! PS: I am very pleased to hear that you still have your old manuscripts safe in the vault.  blog on!
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7/6/2007 12:04 am |
Well, hello again. I remember you. I was a blogger back in 2005 as well, and left like you did, probably right around the same time. I don't recall my user name back then (missy973 maybe?). Anyway, nice to see you again. Some of us are still here, some aren't. It's still loads of fun. 
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~ smilez ~ 
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7/6/2007 9:19 am |
it's wonderful to see you back, Bella!  King Nor XVIII  
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Welcome back Bella --- The Old Hermit of the Islands
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7/6/2007 3:38 pm |
Welcome back Bella!! Later! {=} ~~"I can scream as loud as your last one, but I can't claim innocence."~~
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All I have always said and thought, and even written were in the name of my heart, my desires and my dreams. I am not perfect, I have not become perfect….I am just me…plain and simple…take me or leave me as I am. That is part of your charm, my dear. Welcome back to BlogLand! PS: I am very pleased to hear that you still have your old manuscripts safe in the vault. blog on!
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7/6/2007 10:19 pm |
Welcome back Bella, it is nice to see you back after the long absence. I bet I can guess better than anyone, what you have really been up to these past 2 years ay? Why I don't know, but I guess because I can relate as I had so many scenarios of what happened to you in my head, that one of them has to be right. You were missed. LadiesLoveMyTong
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welcome back honey, The journey to happiness is one often fraught with mistakes but if we learn from them we can and do move ,big hugs and happy to see you back here. I'm a   and i'm here to stay
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HELLO BELLA...YOU SWEET LADY YOU!!!!! I AM SO TICKELED TO SEE YOU ...I MISSED YOU SO MUCH...GOOD GOD WELCOME BACK HOME....YOU WERE THE FIRST PERSON EVER THAT I PUT ON MY BLOG WATCHED LIST...I HAVE MISSED YOU AND YOUR AMAZING WRITINGS...GOOD GRIEF....BUG HUG FOR YOU...JUST TO LET YOU KNOW....MERMAID...DANCING AROUND ROOM..AND VERY HAPPY TO SEE YOU...KEITH IS ONE VERY SPECIAL PERSON,THAT'S FOR SURE....  []   Seduce my mind and my body
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Welcome Home Bella, It has been a while but still lots of old timers around who have missed you. Frangi x
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OhMyGoshBella......I haven't even logged in but three times in the past 18 months and I stumbled across you. I hope all is okay... I was in a similar situation...stopped writing, stopped visiting..life is quite different than it was back in `05. Things change. And for the better for you, I hope....
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Its so nice to have you back bella_...
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WOW...and in this post my dear, you have gained a new fan, in awe of your heart and beautiful mind..thank you for your wonderful welcome !!!!!....Joe Live casually, but with substance, Love with ALL of your heart, and forgive those around you for the faults you perceive in them.....because your perception may be in error.. and remember to laugh all the while.. because life should be fun Dammit...
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1/19/2010 8:41 pm |
welcome back. mistakes are never mistakes when we learn from them. im sure whoever you hurt has forgiven you......
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Thank you Bella for allowing me to read your blog 
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10/21/2011 10:24 am |
Taxes, too funny. That's where I hid my stuff too. I quite logically thought,"Who the hell is ever going to look in "Taxes"?"
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11/19/2012 6:32 pm |
BELLA..... e bel bolg
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Welcum back
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