Body Image-9th Virtual Symposium - a Blog Post by veryfunnycple64

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6/27/2015 7:04 am

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8/6/2015 5:23 am

Body Image-9th Virtual Symposium

I look at myself in the mirror. What do I see? I see a man with black hair with olive skin. I am older now. I have more and more silver hair. I think to myself, “I’m not that old.” I have a stomach paunch- it has been getting harder to get rid of this belly bulge! I think I am still attractive. I deem my legs and butt are my best assets. I peruse my private parts, my male parts, and I judge them inadequate. I wish my penis was bigger. I always felt different due to the fact I am not circumcised.

With this new symposium topic of Body Imagery, I decided to really peruse myself in a full body mirror. I have realized that after all this time; I still have a body image issue. I have always felt “different” and abnormal. I have felt like a foreigner and anomalous due to the fact I was born and lived overseas and then transported, at age 7, to the Midwest. I noticed right away that people noticed my difference. I was not homogenized like most of the at my private school. I stood out. Alien. My skin tone and color was darker. My eye shape was different. And my penis was not circumcised. I was a brunt of jokes and teasing. In today’s standard, it would be called being “bullied.” I fought the bullies. I won most of the time. I won respect, albeit it was literally hard fought, with my peers. I became popular.

Being popular was so weird. It did not take away my self-disparaging low self-esteem- my body image thoughts of being “different” and “abhorrent” remained with me. All through high school and college, I was popular and I had many friends. Dating was a nightmare for me. I felt I was not good enough and that due to my differences, I was not comfortable being naked.

Fast forward to today. I am older and wiser. I like who I am. I am confident. For the most part, I think I am no longer haunted with my negative body image of myself, but I do catch myself occasionally looking at my naked body and my skewed thinking (stinking thinking) starts to ramp up. I fat. I am ugly. I am different. My penis is too small. I don’t like my uncircumcised cock. I hate my foreskin. I don’t like my eyes. I then take a deep breath and take step back. I acknowledge my differences. I am proud of my differences. I know my penis is of average in size. I love my foreskin and how it helps my orgasms. I have met woman who loved my body. I am exotic. I am different from the homogenized white Anglo Saxon part of the world I reside in. Viva la difference!

Thus, the point I am trying to make is that body imagery and self-esteem are tied together. How people treat each other does affect how others perceive themselves. For men and woman in the United States of America, how one looks is judged important. Different and “alien” don’t fit in. tease the different…too fat, too dark, too tall, too short, and too outside the norm (mentally retarded, emotionally disabled, and birth defects). People are more than their looks or images. The outside is only a shell and what makes us special is how we feel and how we think. I believe in synergy-the interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects. My looks are only a small part of who I am. I am so much more! How is your body image today compared to when you were: in grade school, in high school, and in your 20’s? How does body image affect your self-esteem? I leave you with this quote by Amy Bloom, ““You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.”

“Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh

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veryfunnycple64

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